Click the link, read, cringe, laugh, drink, repeat in whatever order you prefer

Someone(s) in Memphis have a new site and I just found out about it a few minutes ago but I’ve already decided it’s the best thing ever and I even submitted a story (!!!).

It’s called I Showered for Nothing and it’s transcendent. If I don’t already know who’s behind it, I definitely want to meet who’s behind it.

I’ll take twelve

1901 trade card - Femenina for women, female disorder cure, VanVleet-Mansfield Drug Co., Memphis, Tenn.

You know. For your FEMALE DISORDERS like feelings and dreams.

(From the always incredible BIRCH from Memphis Flickr feed.)

‘She’ll break your heart one day and then she’ll laugh and walk away’

RIP Bobby.

‘And I’m like, don’t wuuuuuur ’bout it’

This song has been stuck in my head for days and I don’t mind.

We be poppin’

I really regret not seeing a Lord T & Eloise show before leaving Memphis.

Things I miss about Memphis

An occasional installment in an ongoing series. To be read in a wistful voice.

• Your Memphis Grizzlies, taking names and kicking ass. Although I will say I have been pleasantly surprised by seeing the Grizz on public TVs here in Nashville.
• Being able to drive to LensRentals.com and pick up a lens.
• Black Lodge
• A marked lack of traffic
SpillIt, which I don’t technically miss because I wasn’t there when it started, but it sounds super cool.
• My pediatrician, my dentist, my eye doctor, and Ike’s.
• You and you and you and you.
• The Cove.

Come to the East Buntyn ArtWalk on Sunday and say hello

Acccck! Where is the time going? I am so behind on posting! I meant to post about this a while back and never have really had the chance.

Sunday is the third-annual East Buntyn ArtWalk. I will be there with a tent and some tables and a baby and some family members (the specific composition of family yet to be determined) and lots of photos and artwork and crafty stuff for sale. Come say hello, come buy stuff, come make my baby laugh, come drink the free wine that will be available at some of the booths.

Here’s a listing of some of the things I will have available at the booth. I’ve been working for more than a month and a half now getting stuff together. It has been intense, working full time, taking care of the baby, and doing this on top of all that. But it’s been fun, too.

Hope to see you there!

Check out East Buntyn ArtWalk on Facebook.

Edited to add: Um, derp. I could tell you where I’ll be, couldn’t I? I will be stationed near the southeast corner of Reese and Midland, just a couple of houses down from Midland. Event organizers encourage everyone to start their walk at the St. James Church at 461 South Prescott, where there will be a silent auction as well as a map of the festivities and printed ads (like the one above) so you’ll know what goods are available where. So do stop by there. But then come visit me! I’m super close to the church. Follow me on Twitter for updates!

To the boy: I’m sorry you’re going to miss these colors but next year, it’s on

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I took a little solo walk today in Chickasaw Gardens near the little park and lake, where I go to entertain my greenest fantasies — the ones where I imagine what life would be like were I to be the kind of person who drove a Lexus into a two-car garage bordered by meticulously landscaped greenery tended by hired help.

They’re silly fantasies, little one, because we all know that even if I could afford a Lexus and a two-car garage, I would still drive a dented Nissan and park in the driveway because the garage would be full of crafting supplies and boxes of jeans I am delusional enough to believe I will be able to wear again someday.

I’m getting off topic here. The point is, the trees were showing out something big. And I figure you’ll miss the bulk of the pretty colors this year, but I want you to know that I am out here drinking them in for you, and looking forward to the days in a few years when you will jump into and completely destroy the pile of leaves I’ve worked so hard to rake up. Because you are going to be SO GROUNDED.

Oops, I never did follow up on the neighbor dogs

After I left a note complaining about the barking, I got a voicemail from my neighbor. She apologized profusely for the barking and said she was just horrified to know they’d been keeping us up. She said that she’d had some painters in the house while she was out of town and they’d apparently left the dogs outside or something. She said please don’t hesitate to let her know if they were bothering us, and left two phone numbers to use.

Super awesome. I really wasn’t expecting her to be so cool about it; I always assume people will be the biggest jerks possible when confronted. I tried calling her back but it just rang and rang. So today I dropped off a thank-you card telling her how much we appreciated her understanding, and that we’d be happy to check in on the dogs if she ever needed us to while she was away.

Happy ending, yay!

In which Granny remembers what Halloween was like in the good ol’ days

I hate to break down and have a “back in my day” rant over something so trivial, but I am pissed.

Adults are ruining Halloween. Don’t even get me started on the idiotic “sexy X” costumes that have pretty much taken over the pre-fab options for women. Of course, I’m annoyed that every costume is pre-fab anyway. What ever happened to making your own damn costume? Or doing something you can’t just buy in a bag? Grumble.

No, I will not get started on that.

What I WILL get started on is this apparently new idea (it happened last year at my house too) that you can be a grown-ass person and just traipse around a neighborhood in your regular clothes and shove a Walgreens sack in people’s doorways and they will give you candy. Old-ass adults do it. Closer-to-20-than-13 teenagers do it. Some adults at least have the decency to drag their kids around and the kids ask for candy first and THEN the adults hold their bags out. Shit, I had a group of teenage girls just open their purses at me and chant, “See ya next year!” as they sauntered away. They didn’t even bother with the plastic bag. And one group of teen boys came up and before I could give them anything, shoved their giant boy hands into the bowl and started shoving fistful after fistful of candy into their plastic bags. I had to actually tell them to slow down and take it easy, that they were wiping me out. I closed the door and heard someone raising hell and moaning that he didn’t get anything. This kid had to be 15 or 16. He was mad. I opened the door back up and gave him some Smarties (not the Kit Kats) and he didn’t say thanks or fuck you or anything.

It sucks. You want some candy? Fucking go to Kroger and buy your own bag, just like I did. The people who come to my door to take candy from me are not dirt poor folks, hoping for a sugar fix just to survive. Many of them had children wearing sneakers worth more than my own shitty slip-ons. I kind of hesitate to even write about this because I know I am going to sound like an entitled prick for even bringing it up, but it bugs me. Like Ray told me, he grew up dirt poor but his mom knew that on Halloween, if you couldn’t afford anything else, you at least threw a ratty sheet over your head and called yourself a ghost. The point is the silly make-believe, not the fucking candy. I had wondered last year why hardly anyone else on my street turned on their porch lights on Halloween, and why I was the only one with a jack-o-lantern on the stoop. Now I know it’s because the hassle of dealing with grown-ass jerks far outweighs the half dozen or so actual costumed kids who are having fun being silly and going around the neighborhood in costume.