Don’t kill books and don’t kill movies, you jerks!

I love Andrew Sullivan, y’all know I do, but his giddy anticipation of the fall of traditional media (newspapers, dead-tree books, movie theaters; the giddiness is my reading, of course; his actual posts on the matter are calm and diplomatic, for the most part) gets me all squirmy in the bad way and riled up. Not just because it will inevitably put me out of a job but because this notion of a democratized media landscape OF THE FUTURE is predicated on the notion that everyone will be able to afford all those fancy devices required to deliver content to your home in the media landscape OF THE FUTURE.

Ebooks are often inexpensive, sure, but you have to have some fancy device to read them on. And a data plan, usually.

And this idea that movie theaters will become obsolete because everyone has a badass surround-sound 3D TV that is the size of a small house and they can just have movies instantly beamed to their media centers? I realize I am, like, a born luddite most of the time, but I swear not everyone has or can afford the kind of media setup that would inspire people to abandon the movie theater altogether. Going to the movies, while ridiculously expensive, fucking rules. Maybe I think this because I only get to do it three times a year, and I am one of those people who does it for the moviegoing experience. And YES that experience includes bitching about the people in the next row who won’t shut up or stop texting.

I don’t know. I’m rambling.

The point is, there are people in this world who can’t afford at-home entertainment setups that will rival the current media delivery setup for books and movies, and as long as we live in a country with a glut of working poor as we do now, that isn’t going to change very much. A $12 movie ticket is still going to be a more likely splurge than a $500 TV. Right?

Oh my god. I am completely out of touch, aren’t I?

I have a 27-inch CRT TV in my living room, hooked up to cable WITH NO DVR.

The Honda lawyer

We watched The Lincoln Lawyer the other night and now Ray wants to work out of the back of a car. He decided it’d be the perfect opportunity to use a tagline — “The lawyer who comes to YOU!”

I suggested that the forgo a car altogether and just get an unmarked white van.

I’m here to help.

Day 222: Rainbow Surpreme

Day 222: Rainbow Supreme

From the local cultural staple known as Jerry’s Sno Cones (I’ve searched and searched for the Great Balls of Fire clip that features Jerry’s to no avail). After suffering the crushing ego blow one feels when one’s car’s front undercarriage scrapes the curb in front of a tittering crowd, AY-D and I sheepishly ordered a Rainbow Supreme and a White Wedding Surpreme, respectively. We immediately launched into brain-freeze mode and lodged our tongues in the roofs of our mouths. Ah, summer.

[Project 365]

Day 198: Power House

Day 198: Power House

My pal D alerted me to the $5 Friday midnight matinees going on this month in the basement over at Power House, which suits this night owl just fine. We saw "Teeth," which I liked way more than I expected to. Next week: "Fido." Vagina dentata AND zombies? It’s like they’re showing these flicks just for me!

[Project 365]

The young moviegoer

I posted just now over at The Memphis Blog about first moviegoing experiences, and I’ve sat here for roughly three seconds trying to dredge up my own memory of my first time at a movie theater, only to thoroughly confuse myself. I guess I’m going to have to ask my parents, because I can only narrow it down to four contenders (one of which I’m not even sure happened): The Abyss, The Little Mermaid, Driving Miss Daisy, and The Wizard. All of those flicks came out in 1989 and I guess I could do some research and see in what order, but, well, meh. But I’m still not convinced it’s any of those, because surely I saw a movie in a theater before I was eight years old, right? I just can’t remember going to any movies before then. In fact, there’s a whole chunk of my childhood I don’t remember at all. Hmmm.

Anyway, the important thing — er, things — to get out of all of this:

• I lost a tooth during The Little Mermaid, which I went to see with my cousin Ashley. I think I remember wrapping it up in a bathroom paper towel and bringing it home to cash it in.

• I saw Driving Miss Daisy with my sister and I’m fairly sure I was a brat through the whole thing, because boy was that a boring movie for a kid to sit through.

• I saw The Abyss with my parents, and they made me cover my eyes during the boob shots. I was fascinated that there was a character named Lindsey, which wasn’t a name I heard a whole lot at the time.

• I’m still not sure I saw The Wizard in the theater, because I think maybe Ashley and I had the choice between The Wizard and The Little Mermaid and I pitched a go-devil fit (as my mother would say) for The Little Mermaid so it won out. I should see if Ashley remembers…

Day 174: Roll Credits

Day 174: Roll Credits

Um, so I saw the new Transformers flick with Shane and Ashley and Joey. And I really didn’t have any idea what was happening at any given moment. Except I marveled at all the references to balls. And Megan Fox’s perpetually open mouth and perpetually (until the last ten minutes) clean white pants. (In the real world, when a woman puts on a pair of white pants, she immediately starts her period. True story.) There were explosions. And really gullible military folk. And slooooooow mooooootion ruuuuunnnning awwwwaaaaaayyyy froooooommmm thhiiiiiinnnnnggggssss blllooooowwwwwingggg upppp andddd shhhrrrrappppppnellllll.

Roger Ebert was similarly unimpressed (HT: Nick Fowler, who also taught me the meaning of “DSL” in this movie’s context).

I love a good mindless filmic romp as much as the next emotionally numb asshole, but this movie made no goddamn sense in any context. Part one? Fun. Part two? BOO.

See what I did there? Yeah, sorry. The movie made me dumber.

Update: This is the best review ever (HT: MC-T’s Manderson’s GChat status), except for maybe Pajiba’s Black Snake Moan review.

[Project 365]

Day 158: Hangover Demon

Day 158: Hangover Demon

We all do battle sometimes.

The Hangover was funny. Zach Galifianakis should be a household name and I want to shrink him and put him in my pocket and pull him out and pet him and have him make me laugh. I want to keep Bradley Cooper full size and keep him tied up in my closet. I want Ed Helms to be my BFF. I want Heather Graham to tell me how she got to be so hot yet so unhateable.

Angels And Demons became completely absurd within the first half hour and so we skedaddled just to spare the people around us the annoyance of our constant Mike/Joel/bots-like commentary. This gives me the perfect opening to gush about Language Log’s ongoing dissection of Dan Brown’s prose. If you haven’t read any of their criticism, you must. Start here and work your way down that list of links.

[Project 365]