theology&geometry

I would name it Clark Griswold’s Sandwich Dance.

We watched The Lincoln Lawyer the other night and now Ray wants to work out of the back of a car. He decided it’d be the perfect opportunity to use a tagline — “The lawyer who comes to YOU!”

I suggested that the forgo a car altogether and just get an unmarked white van.

I’m here to help.

This is cool, but all I could think was, “Why the hell is Pauly Shore beating the crap out of this guy?”

Last Day Dream [HD] from Chris Milk on Vimeo.

From the local cultural staple known as Jerry’s Sno Cones (I’ve searched and searched for the Great Balls of Fire clip that features Jerry’s to no avail). After suffering the crushing ego blow one feels when one’s car’s front undercarriage scrapes the curb in front of a tittering crowd, AY-D and I sheepishly ordered a Rainbow Supreme and a White Wedding Surpreme, respectively. We immediately launched into brain-freeze mode and lodged our tongues in the roofs of our mouths. Ah, summer.

[Project 365]

My pal D alerted me to the $5 Friday midnight matinees going on this month in the basement over at Power House, which suits this night owl just fine. We saw "Teeth," which I liked way more than I expected to. Next week: "Fido." Vagina dentata AND zombies? It’s like they’re showing these flicks just for me!

[Project 365]

I am excited to see this:

IN A DREAM: Theatrical Trailer from Herzliya Films on Vimeo.

I posted just now over at The Memphis Blog about first moviegoing experiences, and I’ve sat here for roughly three seconds trying to dredge up my own memory of my first time at a movie theater, only to thoroughly confuse myself. I guess I’m going to have to ask my parents, because I can only narrow it down to four contenders (one of which I’m not even sure happened): The Abyss, The Little Mermaid, Driving Miss Daisy, and The Wizard. All of those flicks came out in 1989 and I guess I could do some research and see in what order, but, well, meh. But I’m still not convinced it’s any of those, because surely I saw a movie in a theater before I was eight years old, right? I just can’t remember going to any movies before then. In fact, there’s a whole chunk of my childhood I don’t remember at all. Hmmm.

Anyway, the important thing — er, things — to get out of all of this:

• I lost a tooth during The Little Mermaid, which I went to see with my cousin Ashley. I think I remember wrapping it up in a bathroom paper towel and bringing it home to cash it in.

• I saw Driving Miss Daisy with my sister and I’m fairly sure I was a brat through the whole thing, because boy was that a boring movie for a kid to sit through.

• I saw The Abyss with my parents, and they made me cover my eyes during the boob shots. I was fascinated that there was a character named Lindsey, which wasn’t a name I heard a whole lot at the time.

• I’m still not sure I saw The Wizard in the theater, because I think maybe Ashley and I had the choice between The Wizard and The Little Mermaid and I pitched a go-devil fit (as my mother would say) for The Little Mermaid so it won out. I should see if Ashley remembers…

Um, so I saw the new Transformers flick with Shane and Ashley and Joey. And I really didn’t have any idea what was happening at any given moment. Except I marveled at all the references to balls. And Megan Fox’s perpetually open mouth and perpetually (until the last ten minutes) clean white pants. (In the real world, when a woman puts on a pair of white pants, she immediately starts her period. True story.) There were explosions. And really gullible military folk. And slooooooow mooooootion ruuuuunnnning awwwwaaaaaayyyy froooooommmm thhiiiiiinnnnnggggssss blllooooowwwwwingggg upppp andddd shhhrrrrappppppnellllll.

Roger Ebert was similarly unimpressed (HT: Nick Fowler, who also taught me the meaning of “DSL” in this movie’s context).

I love a good mindless filmic romp as much as the next emotionally numb asshole, but this movie made no goddamn sense in any context. Part one? Fun. Part two? BOO.

See what I did there? Yeah, sorry. The movie made me dumber.

Update: This is the best review ever (HT: MC-T’s Manderson’s GChat status), except for maybe Pajiba’s Black Snake Moan review.

[Project 365]

We all do battle sometimes.

The Hangover was funny. Zach Galifianakis should be a household name and I want to shrink him and put him in my pocket and pull him out and pet him and have him make me laugh. I want to keep Bradley Cooper full size and keep him tied up in my closet. I want Ed Helms to be my BFF. I want Heather Graham to tell me how she got to be so hot yet so unhateable.

Angels And Demons became completely absurd within the first half hour and so we skedaddled just to spare the people around us the annoyance of our constant Mike/Joel/bots-like commentary. This gives me the perfect opening to gush about Language Log’s ongoing dissection of Dan Brown’s prose. If you haven’t read any of their criticism, you must. Start here and work your way down that list of links.

[Project 365]

Got my hair did. Like everything else in life, I like parts but I’m not crazy about the whole. I want to do surgery on it but I’ve been urged to leave it alone. I just want a great haircut for once. Not a this-is-okay-but-I-don’t-like-it-enough-to-do-anything-but-grow-it-right-back-out-the-way-it-was-before cut. Middle class woes, aren’t they fun?

Saw the Star Trek movie today before work. It’s very bromantic and full of very attractive people and lens flares. Jesus, with the lens flares. The future’s so bright; why weren’t any of those people wearing shades?

Anyway, it’s a fun flick, even though as soon as the time-travel shit kicked in I instantly lost the ability to comprehend anything that was going on. Except the bits about the black holes. I know from a three-page paper I did in freshman science in college that that was allllll bunk.

What else what else what else? Lots.

Nearly instant update: Um. I got a little tipsy and had some scissors in the bathroom and went to work. The good news is that I didn’t make it look any worse. The other good news is that now I am ready to go in to the salon and demand the cut I want, which I have asked for twice now but been discouraged from thanks to my “dominant part.” But the thing is, my part LOOKS dominant for people who just happen to glance at my scalp, but the truth is? It’s a total pushover once you get to know it. THAT IS COMPLETELY NON-ANALOGOUS TO MY PERSONALITY, JEEZ.

[Project 365]