The young moviegoer

I posted just now over at The Memphis Blog about first moviegoing experiences, and I’ve sat here for roughly three seconds trying to dredge up my own memory of my first time at a movie theater, only to thoroughly confuse myself. I guess I’m going to have to ask my parents, because I can only narrow it down to four contenders (one of which I’m not even sure happened): The Abyss, The Little Mermaid, Driving Miss Daisy, and The Wizard. All of those flicks came out in 1989 and I guess I could do some research and see in what order, but, well, meh. But I’m still not convinced it’s any of those, because surely I saw a movie in a theater before I was eight years old, right? I just can’t remember going to any movies before then. In fact, there’s a whole chunk of my childhood I don’t remember at all. Hmmm.

Anyway, the important thing — er, things — to get out of all of this:

• I lost a tooth during The Little Mermaid, which I went to see with my cousin Ashley. I think I remember wrapping it up in a bathroom paper towel and bringing it home to cash it in.

• I saw Driving Miss Daisy with my sister and I’m fairly sure I was a brat through the whole thing, because boy was that a boring movie for a kid to sit through.

• I saw The Abyss with my parents, and they made me cover my eyes during the boob shots. I was fascinated that there was a character named Lindsey, which wasn’t a name I heard a whole lot at the time.

• I’m still not sure I saw The Wizard in the theater, because I think maybe Ashley and I had the choice between The Wizard and The Little Mermaid and I pitched a go-devil fit (as my mother would say) for The Little Mermaid so it won out. I should see if Ashley remembers…

Day 174: Roll Credits

Day 174: Roll Credits

Um, so I saw the new Transformers flick with Shane and Ashley and Joey. And I really didn’t have any idea what was happening at any given moment. Except I marveled at all the references to balls. And Megan Fox’s perpetually open mouth and perpetually (until the last ten minutes) clean white pants. (In the real world, when a woman puts on a pair of white pants, she immediately starts her period. True story.) There were explosions. And really gullible military folk. And slooooooow mooooootion ruuuuunnnning awwwwaaaaaayyyy froooooommmm thhiiiiiinnnnnggggssss blllooooowwwwwingggg upppp andddd shhhrrrrappppppnellllll.

Roger Ebert was similarly unimpressed (HT: Nick Fowler, who also taught me the meaning of “DSL” in this movie’s context).

I love a good mindless filmic romp as much as the next emotionally numb asshole, but this movie made no goddamn sense in any context. Part one? Fun. Part two? BOO.

See what I did there? Yeah, sorry. The movie made me dumber.

Update: This is the best review ever (HT: MC-T’s Manderson’s GChat status), except for maybe Pajiba’s Black Snake Moan review.

[Project 365]

Day 158: Hangover Demon

Day 158: Hangover Demon

We all do battle sometimes.

The Hangover was funny. Zach Galifianakis should be a household name and I want to shrink him and put him in my pocket and pull him out and pet him and have him make me laugh. I want to keep Bradley Cooper full size and keep him tied up in my closet. I want Ed Helms to be my BFF. I want Heather Graham to tell me how she got to be so hot yet so unhateable.

Angels And Demons became completely absurd within the first half hour and so we skedaddled just to spare the people around us the annoyance of our constant Mike/Joel/bots-like commentary. This gives me the perfect opening to gush about Language Log’s ongoing dissection of Dan Brown’s prose. If you haven’t read any of their criticism, you must. Start here and work your way down that list of links.

[Project 365]

Day 129: Bangs

Day 129: Bangs

Got my hair did. Like everything else in life, I like parts but I’m not crazy about the whole. I want to do surgery on it but I’ve been urged to leave it alone. I just want a great haircut for once. Not a this-is-okay-but-I-don’t-like-it-enough-to-do-anything-but-grow-it-right-back-out-the-way-it-was-before cut. Middle class woes, aren’t they fun?

Saw the Star Trek movie today before work. It’s very bromantic and full of very attractive people and lens flares. Jesus, with the lens flares. The future’s so bright; why weren’t any of those people wearing shades?

Anyway, it’s a fun flick, even though as soon as the time-travel shit kicked in I instantly lost the ability to comprehend anything that was going on. Except the bits about the black holes. I know from a three-page paper I did in freshman science in college that that was allllll bunk.

What else what else what else? Lots.

Nearly instant update: Um. I got a little tipsy and had some scissors in the bathroom and went to work. The good news is that I didn’t make it look any worse. The other good news is that now I am ready to go in to the salon and demand the cut I want, which I have asked for twice now but been discouraged from thanks to my “dominant part.” But the thing is, my part LOOKS dominant for people who just happen to glance at my scalp, but the truth is? It’s a total pushover once you get to know it. THAT IS COMPLETELY NON-ANALOGOUS TO MY PERSONALITY, JEEZ.

[Project 365]

World’s most pointless nitpick

I saw Monsters vs. Aliens tonight, because I am a sucker for overpriced kids’ movies in 3-D.

And while, like Watchmen, it was gorgeous to behold but had a stupid, not very engaging story (*ducks to avoid nerd pummeling*), there was one snippet of dialogue that immediately lodged into my brain like a verbal splinter.

There’s this giant lady monster, see, and she’s being introduced to her new monster home, tended by a wacky military general.

Giant lady: How long will I be here?

Wacky general: Inevitably.

WHAT?!

I feel like that exchange right there is indicative of why Dreamworks animation pictures tend to fall just short of Pixar’s brilliance, again and again. It’s the writing, stupid. Get it right: Indefinitely.

Anyway, it’s a cute movie, take your kids, blah blah blah. They’ll be mesmerized by the blob thing especially. And Seth Rogen’s laugh.

Day 40: Down by the River to Read

Day 40: Down By the River to Read

Recuperation complete. I packed a lot of awesome into one little day. Slept nine glorious hours, went to the gym and got the endorphins pumping, took my lunch to the park down by the river and read The White Tiger on a blanket while the wind whipped the world into a subdued frenzy around me. Then I had some chips and white cheese dip and some margaritas, went home to book chat, and then hauled ass to see Coraline in 3-D, which was just intense.

And now, the routine begins again. I don’t mind.

I just wish I had taken a picture in which my hand didn’t look completely disfigured.

[Project 365]

Day 39: Another Day, Another Airport

Day 39: Another Day, Another Airport

I feel like I’ve been living out of a suitcase for a month.

I’m glad to be home and I’m glad that the first thing I did when I got to Memphis was take a shower and then go eat some crazy-ass food (ox tail soup and some technicolor potatoes and some other things I forgot how to describe) with my crazy-ass friends, and watch Psycho Killers in Love. Or at least I think that’s what it was called. I can’t find it on IMDB, which tells you just how crazy-ass it was.

Tomorrow I recuperate. Mind, body, soul, and whatever else I can squeeze in.

[Project 365]