In which Granny remembers what Halloween was like in the good ol’ days

I hate to break down and have a “back in my day” rant over something so trivial, but I am pissed.

Adults are ruining Halloween. Don’t even get me started on the idiotic “sexy X” costumes that have pretty much taken over the pre-fab options for women. Of course, I’m annoyed that every costume is pre-fab anyway. What ever happened to making your own damn costume? Or doing something you can’t just buy in a bag? Grumble.

No, I will not get started on that.

What I WILL get started on is this apparently new idea (it happened last year at my house too) that you can be a grown-ass person and just traipse around a neighborhood in your regular clothes and shove a Walgreens sack in people’s doorways and they will give you candy. Old-ass adults do it. Closer-to-20-than-13 teenagers do it. Some adults at least have the decency to drag their kids around and the kids ask for candy first and THEN the adults hold their bags out. Shit, I had a group of teenage girls just open their purses at me and chant, “See ya next year!” as they sauntered away. They didn’t even bother with the plastic bag. And one group of teen boys came up and before I could give them anything, shoved their giant boy hands into the bowl and started shoving fistful after fistful of candy into their plastic bags. I had to actually tell them to slow down and take it easy, that they were wiping me out. I closed the door and heard someone raising hell and moaning that he didn’t get anything. This kid had to be 15 or 16. He was mad. I opened the door back up and gave him some Smarties (not the Kit Kats) and he didn’t say thanks or fuck you or anything.

It sucks. You want some candy? Fucking go to Kroger and buy your own bag, just like I did. The people who come to my door to take candy from me are not dirt poor folks, hoping for a sugar fix just to survive. Many of them had children wearing sneakers worth more than my own shitty slip-ons. I kind of hesitate to even write about this because I know I am going to sound like an entitled prick for even bringing it up, but it bugs me. Like Ray told me, he grew up dirt poor but his mom knew that on Halloween, if you couldn’t afford anything else, you at least threw a ratty sheet over your head and called yourself a ghost. The point is the silly make-believe, not the fucking candy. I had wondered last year why hardly anyone else on my street turned on their porch lights on Halloween, and why I was the only one with a jack-o-lantern on the stoop. Now I know it’s because the hassle of dealing with grown-ass jerks far outweighs the half dozen or so actual costumed kids who are having fun being silly and going around the neighborhood in costume.

7 thoughts on “In which Granny remembers what Halloween was like in the good ol’ days

  1. I am so sorry that classless goons are ruining your holidays. As beautifully (and scarily!) decorated as your home is, and as much as you love Halloween, I think you should start CHARGING THE EFFERS TO COME TO THE DOOR.

    Of course, I’d have to move next door and sit on the porch with my shotgun to persuade vandals that they need to move along if they’re not going to pay to partake of your hospitality, but that would also add babysitting access. /stalkery-sounding shtuff

    Seriously, though. I know a man who painstakingly and astoundingly decorated his home for Christmas for *decades*, just because he liked to see people smile. He had to quit a few years ago because idiots would just trample right through it, tearing stuff down and even dragging the cords up behind them on their stupid feet, to knock on his door and ask him how he did it. One year they GOT UP ON HIS ROOF in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to see how he’d laid something out. That was when he quit. I told him that I would have just blown a hole in the roof with my shotgun and let homeowners’ insurance straighten it out.

    I can see, looking back over this post, why you would not necessarily want me around your boy. Ahem. Shotguns!

  2. I usually don’t get a lot of trick-or-treaters (I live in a townhouse and I guess the kids in the ‘hood figure they’ll have better luck in the upscale neighborhood two blocks away), but last night I got about 10 groups of people. I say people, because two of those groups were either older teenagers or grown-ass adults.

    The first were two adults with a tiny baby. A baby so small it was in a bassinet-looking stroller thingy. None of the three were dressed up, and each parent had a plastic Kroger bag. At least they said “Trick or Treat” and were not grabby.

    The last group I had were three teenagers, but only one was dressed up. I think. She was dressed as a sexy something. Something with a cape, who knows. And they just stood there staring at me when I opened the door. After about 15 seconds I finally said, “You have to say it if you want candy,” and they hollered “Trick or Treat.” Then they cleaned out every piece of candy except for maybe 5 tootsie rolls.

    Sorry, I probably should rant about this over on my own blog, but I can’t help it. I guess I’m just old and curmudgeonly to expect you at least make an effort to appear to be celebrating Halloween when you go door to door demanding candy after a certain age.

  3. I failed to add our simple solution: Shut ‘er down about an hour after dark. You’ll catch the adorable little ones right before/around supper and the slightly bigger (usually hilarious) kids within that first hour. The late birds are most often the lazy jerks/clueless goons. Just bring in the breakables, etc., to reduce the vandalism risk. Also, I noticed some folks talking about people knocking on doors and demanding candy at houses that aren’t lit up or decorated or welcoming. Good way to get assaulted/kidnapped/all the other horror stories there, brainiacs.

    Hushing now. Giggling at cwabs’s suggestion, too.

  4. I totally went trick or treating last night.I was dressed up, with children and I did not once ask for or even attempt to get any candy except to raid the kids bags. I did, however, see several teenagers not dressed up asking for candy, seriously? I recall saying something similar to these statements in the midst of the trick or treating.

  5. I have lived around the corner from your home for 27 years. (I recognized the house last year when you posted your pumpkin photos) For exactly the reasons you stated, I stopped opening my door on Trick or Treat night about 20 years ago. What put me over the edge was getting cussed out using words I wouldn’t think of repeating by a 7 year old because he didn’t like the candy I was handing out. Sure could have used Grandfille living next door back then!

    If you see me out walking my Great Dane please say hey – I enjoy reading your blog & would love meeting you, neighbor.

  6. Back!

    (“OH JEEBUS,” they cry. “RUN!)

    Clearly you are NOT the only “granny” with this issue. The following conversation began in 2006 (please excuse all the duplicated comments; it ain’t my site):

    And this?

    Was also helpful.


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