theology&geometry

2012 is going to be such an adventure!

The kiddo is asleep and I’m waiting for him to wake up any second now, so I’ve been browsing old blog posts, and I came across this one about a dream I’d forgotten I had. Since I am not delusional, I know you are not going to click that link, so I am going to quote the post in its entirety:

I was in a swimming pool with [name redacted] and we were [activity redacted]. (Excuse the redactivity but telling the truth would be highly awkward.) When we finished, he made some sort of overture that something was going on down there, and I’m sure I don’t have to explain the exact geography of down there. I reach down and sure enough I can feel a heavy, round presence there, and it’s getting bigger. It’s a head! It’s coming out! I’m having the baby! And holy crap he is moving down that tunnel with a quickness!

I feel no pain as he makes his exit — he just slips right out into my hands, and I struggle a bit to get a grip under his shoulders as he’s underwater and slippery, not to mention heavier than I thought he would be.

I bring him up out of the water and to my chest, and he is lovely and warm against my skin, and such a nice rosy color. I can’t quite see if he is breathing but he is quiet and I feel his warmth next to me and the slight tensing pull of the cord against my skin.

He’s out and it was easy and unexpected and I’ve finally met him. All smiles.

I had this dream nearly three months before Holden was born, but what’s nuts is that this is pretty much exactly what happened, without elaborating too much. Except, of course, there was a period of many hours between the first activity and the birth. And it was anything but painless in the literal sense, but was indeed painless in a more philosophical sense. But good grief, that dream is spot on, down to the not being able to see if he was breathing and the cord tension (we had a short cord so I couldn’t hold the baby up and get a good look at him until it was cut.) Isn’t that weird? That is weird. Pretty amazing, actually.

Most of the time when we try to show Holden the cats, he looks everywhere but at them, or he shrieks in their faces and they gallop off. The other night we were chilling on the couch and Jack just plopped himself down beside the baby and hung out despite being kicked repeatedly. Like it was no big thing. I died of cute but came back to life thanks to the abundance of life-giving cute in the air.

Christmas at my parents’ was even more hectic and insane than I could have imagined. I was up at 5 but wanted Ray to get plenty of sleep since he’d taken the night shift, so we ended up not leaving until well after 10. I managed to get a shower and blow dry my hair — the latter of which is reserved for special occasions now — and get a non-pajama outfit on, but Holden decided after our final feeding of the morning to puke on my shoulder. No big whoop, I thought, and wiped it and him off. Except that he did it again, this time in my hair too, at which point I had to change shirts because for holidays I’ve always tried to have a one-puke limit on my clothes. And that was when I was single! (Rimshot.)

Anyway, we got to my parents’ after noon, and there was a huge spread of finger foods laid out (Ray was so grossed out by the term “finger foods” — is that a regional thing? I would feel like a phony calling them hors d’oeuvres). Holden was passed around quite a bit and Ray and I were on edge thanks to my parents’ idiot yipping dog that kept making like he was going to jump on the baby (that for some reason they wouldn’t put in the basement … grrr) but did fine except when he got hungry and wanted to nurse. It was loud — my family yell talks — and crazy and we were only there six or so hours but it made for a long, exhausting day. I didn’t even have a chance to eat any of my birthday cake, and no one got a picture of Ray, Holden, and me like I wanted. Bleh.

My sister made us a sweet DVD of photos of me and Ray as kids and of Holden. I asked her to send me the file so I can see if I can upload the little movie. It’s pretty cute. It made me cry. I am a sentimentality factory these days. Oh please, more like always.

We have been blessed with a happy, sweet, content baby. Ninety-nine percent of the time. (The remaining 1 percent is deducted for regular baby-type crying and wacky scheduling matters that drive Mommy and Daddy crazy.) What a relief.

We’re nearly two months in now and I still marvel at this beautiful boy. Even at times like this one, when I am super exhausted and just spent many, many hours trying to coax myself to sleep while he napped, and then when I was ready to fall asleep, he woke up and decided midnight was a good time to stay awake and whine. I am lucky his daddy is patient and loves him so big, and came in to relieve me just as I was hitting the wall.

Tomorrow things will reset and we’ll have happy play time in the morning while I sip my coffee. I’ll get to hear the coos and see the smiles and listen for the laughs and happy shrieks, which are still so new to him that he surprises himself with each one. I’ll make up stories about the weird, brightly colored stuffed animals he’ll see throughout the day. If I’m lucky I’ll squeeze a nap or two in. It’s an art, this parenting thing. Not a science. We’re painting with big, bold strokes and getting our technique down.

He gets some awesome lift there at the last second but unfortunately it’s on the wrong end.

I’m not sure how it got here so quickly but holy lord, it’s here and it’s going to steamroll us!

We’re taking Holden to my parents’ house on Christmas Day for the big family/birthday get-together. It’ll be his first real roadtrip and his first time meeting much of the family. I’m excited but a little apprehensive, mostly because it is going to be challenging keeping up our frequent nursing/napping schedule during all the commotion. But we’ll make do. We always do.

It’s pretty wonderful to have Christmas Eve and Day off work, plus lots of time before and after. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

Psych! I totally didn’t.

It is going to suck to see her go.