Deep thoughts while cramming taco salad into my face in the workplace lunchroom

You ever notice how Pepsi machines put the Diet Mountain Dew button above the regular Mountain Dew? Probably not because I’m sure you never patronize Pepsi machines. But if you ever stroll past one on your way to a Coke machine, take a look. I have a theory that it’s because that is the only fucking way they can sell Diet Mountain Dew — to trick people into thinking they are buying a regular Mountain Dew.