Tag Archives: christmas

Holiday holy lord

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xmas3

Christmas at my parents’ was even more hectic and insane than I could have imagined. I was up at 5 but wanted Ray to get plenty of sleep since he’d taken the night shift, so we ended up not leaving until well after 10. I managed to get a shower and blow dry my hair — the latter of which is reserved for special occasions now — and get a non-pajama outfit on, but Holden decided after our final feeding of the morning to puke on my shoulder. No big whoop, I thought, and wiped it and him off. Except that he did it again, this time in my hair too, at which point I had to change shirts because for holidays I’ve always tried to have a one-puke limit on my clothes. And that was when I was single! (Rimshot.)

Anyway, we got to my parents’ after noon, and there was a huge spread of finger foods laid out (Ray was so grossed out by the term “finger foods” — is that a regional thing? I would feel like a phony calling them hors d’oeuvres). Holden was passed around quite a bit and Ray and I were on edge thanks to my parents’ idiot yipping dog that kept making like he was going to jump on the baby (that for some reason they wouldn’t put in the basement … grrr) but did fine except when he got hungry and wanted to nurse. It was loud — my family yell talks — and crazy and we were only there six or so hours but it made for a long, exhausting day. I didn’t even have a chance to eat any of my birthday cake, and no one got a picture of Ray, Holden, and me like I wanted. Bleh.

My sister made us a sweet DVD of photos of me and Ray as kids and of Holden. I asked her to send me the file so I can see if I can upload the little movie. It’s pretty cute. It made me cry. I am a sentimentality factory these days. Oh please, more like always.

I suck at my birthday

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Every year, I’m all, This year I’m going to get people together the week before Christmas for birthday drinks! And every year I do nothing of the sort because Christmas insanity and work obligations settle like lead and by the 23rd I feel like I am underwater, and the time just evaporates. I have never gone out to celebrate my birthday. Ever. In 29 years. It’s weird watching other people do it. It looks like fun. Some day I have got to figure out how to get that done.

Christmas decoration infestation 2010

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Oh god, it has begun in earnest. Behold, a tree!

christmas tree

It’s a pre-lit model, something I never ever ever thought I’d ever buy, ever. It always just seemed … blasphemous. But Big Lots was out of their unlit trees when I went, so I just went down in size half a foot and opted for the pre-lit, as it fit my budget. And now that I have seen the foolishness of my ways, I dare say I will never buy an unlit tree ever again. Can someone confirm for me that the inventor of the pre-lit tree got a Nobel prize? Please?

I didn’t put a tree up last year because, for one, I didn’t have one. For another, I was scared of what the cats would do to it. I am happy to report that, aside from a few sniffs and branch bats here and there, they seem to the mostly uninterested. Granted, we are less than 24 hours in, so tomorrow I might be reporting a different story.

Of course, I have added various accouterments, including the front-door wreath, a fancy table runner, some icicle lights in the office, and Granny’s ancient candleholder thingy that was passed on to me. But the big show is the giant wreath mom and dad let me have, which I put outside on the chimney. In the words of the funny lady who plays Miley Cyrus in the SNL skit that Ray and I CANNOT STOP QUOTING OH MY GOD, it’s pretty cool.

giant wreath   ice lights

runner   front door wreath   granny's old candleholder thing

I used a concrete nail to secure the big wreath out front. Did you know you can’t buy a singular concrete nail? True story. Relatedly, if anyone needs to borrow a couple hundred concrete nails, hit me up.

Day 361: Noel

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Day 361: Noel

The family had its Christmas Day giftapalooza Sunday when I could be there. I got digital photo frames for my parents, grandmother, and sister, and everyone seemed to like them (especially when I loaded up jump drives with hundreds of photos so they didn’t have to do the heavy lifting, although some people didn’t hesitate to critique the photos I had chosen for display; note to self — Grandmaw does not appreciate my “art” shots). My haul was more generous than I deserve, as always. Among the gifts was a huge set of fancy knives from my parents, so I pity the next hunk of meat or vegetable stalk I encounter, because I am going to cut the everloving hell out of it.

Mom made an outstanding cheesecake for my birthday cake and we ended the evening with a couple of games of Scrabble and a couple of glasses of pink bubbly. Pretty fine.

So that’s it, then. Another holiday season in the books. They are coming faster and furiouser these days and I can’t even pretend to keep up.

I’ll try though. The goal is to try.

[Project 365]

Complete Christmas coverage

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I totally forgot that I took these videos on Christmas day. In the first one, my brother’s friend David tries to act like it’s been sooooo long since he played the quads, so he hands the sticks over to Evan. In the second one, you can see (provided you can see anything at all; we played that thing all day and into the night) a pointed lack of children playing the Wii. Also, you’ll notice my brother flipping off the camera and pantomiming masturbation in the background. We lead rich lives.


Little drummer boys from Lindsey Turner on Vimeo.


Wiiing in the dark from Lindsey Turner on Vimeo.

Wiimas

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wii

Most years, when you have kids in the family, there’s that one gift that someone gets that just becomes an instant, ridiculous hit with everyone. My nephews got a Wii this year, and I think the grownups were even more excited than the kids were. (My dad watched two seconds of gameplay and said, matter-of-factly, “We’re gonna have to have one of these.”) We passed those controllers around from morning until late into the night. I kept challenging my brother’s friend David to tennis matches, thinking I’d show him up (he was the superior player in the house) but only beat him once. I am grateful that there is no video evidence of my pursuit for the top spot. It got a little out of hand. I even snapped at my 14-year-old cousin when he trash talked me a little.

The next morning we all woke up with sore arms. What a world.

So that’s that, then. Christmas is over. I’ve still got a few scattered gift exchanges to do, but I’ve already gotten so many amazing things that I can’t even imagine getting more. My peoples take care of me, amazingly so. I’m stupid fortunate.

‘Three years shy of thirty’

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glow of the tree

For one reason or another, my parents’ house is full tonight: Mom, Dad, my brother, me, my sister, my nephews, and my grandmother. I was originally slated to sleep with Grandmaw, which was old hat after last week in the mountains, but she left her C-Pap machine at home and is snoring off and on and, I tell you what, despite the fact that I am a snorer myself, I just absolutely cannot sleep with a snorer. So I find myself downstairs, in front of the tree, basking in the glow and the strong scent of air freshener, hidden in the room to mask the smell of dog piss (our esteemed domestic friends find the formal living room to be their toilet of choice). It’s kinda giving me a headache, or maybe it’s the Moscato finally wearing off, or maybe I’m having a sugar crash. You can only eat so many chocolate-covered pretzels before your body begins to revolt.

Sleep isn’t going to find me very easily. This level of the house may be devoid of snorers, but it’s brimming with things that click and clack and chime and ding and, in the case of the Civil War cannon clock, go “ka-BOOM” (which actually really sounds more like “ka-PEW!”). Every hour on the hour, an unholy racket of trinketry will be unleashed. I’m honestly thinking of going around and disabling the more obnoxious clocks. Just set their batteries on the table and leave a Post-It. I can’t imagine that people wouldn’t understand.

Tonight I got to go to the family’s annual Christmas Eve gathering at my grandmother’s house for the first time since I started working in Memphis four years ago. I sacrificed Thanksgiving Day so I could have Christmas Eve and Day off. And sure enough, things went well and were drama-free. Phew. I laughed my ass off when my aunt Freudian slipped and cajoled, “So, you got a woman?!” I am, after all, getting to that age where, unless you can provide pretty consistent proof of your heterosexuality, people start to wonder.

My mom rushed over to me shortly after midnight to wish me happy birthday (she always tries to be the first), and was a bit incredulous when she found out some friends had already beaten her to it by texting me. When my dad wished me the same, he made sure to wait a beat and remind me, “You’re just three years shy of thirty,” before laughing at me.

There’s a part of me that wants to get worked up about that, but 27 ain’t so bad and I’ve got the rest of my life to get worked up about getting old. Why do it now?

Tomorrow I’m making breakfast and I’m going to watch the nephews (and everyone else, of course) open presents, and open some of my own. Then we’ll have a big dinner and some birthday cake, and lie around the house all day playing with our new toys. It’s like a well-worn sock, this Christmas thing we do. A well-worn red-and-white-striped sock.

Here’s hoping everyone has a Christmas full of warmth — of every kind.

Almost … done …

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businessman zombie

In just a few, I will be joining the shuffling throngs — again — to try and wrap up my shopping. Plopping a “vacation” and a couple of days of sickness right in the middle of December really threw off my timing and I’ve only just now gotten to paw through the bags of acquired knickknacks in my closet to see where I stand on everyone. I feel like I’ve been assembling Christmas gifts since August but somehow I’m not quite done.

I am so close to being done that I can taste it. It tastes like rum, oddly enough.

[My friend Coco gave me these awesome glow-in-the-dark zombies and can you bet your ass they are going to find a permanent home on top of my computer at work.]