About this time last year, Amber and I started getting weird anonymous posts on our blogs. I can’t remember the exact sequence of events, but I’m pretty sure they started on hers first. I probably replied snarkily to an anonymous comment at her place (I’d link, but The Phallic Pen has since been laid to rest), which served as an accidental invitation for the anonymous poster to come on over to my place and leave cryptic comments there too.
The anonymous poster, who named him/herself “Anonymouse,” would leave little three-or four-sentence comments that were fairly poetic (in a nonsensical blank verse kind of way), except for that most of them ended in “buh bye.” And the comments weren’t just cryptic and weird. Many of them bordered on the creepy and malicious. Or at least that’s how it felt at the time. They seemed nonsensical, but they had words or even whole phrases thrown in there that seemed relevant to our lives. And not just relevant, but insulting. And the “buh bye” made each entry sound a little more like a “fuck you” than just a nice little poetic interaction.
Keep in mind, this was back in the day when a total of six people or so even knew about either of our blogs. So we found it uncomfortably creepy that someone would anonymously leave little thought turds for us that sounded like thinly veiled insults lobbed by someone familiar enough with us to know to drop certain phrases that would hit home.
It was frustrating not knowing who was leaving the comments and why; it seemed spiteful and anything but good-natured. So, naturally, I overreacted and deleted most of the comments, which I regret now. And Amber and I took the opportunity to be gumshoe detectives and, factoring in the time of the posts and some other red herrings, narrowed down the field of possible “anonymous” assholes to two. But we never got much further than that. Too bad neither of us thought to get a sitemeter at the time.
It was just really worrisome to feel like there was someone in my life (we never considered it was a truly random person, because our blogs were still relatively private) who felt compelled to fuck with me in a way that felt toxic and non-reciprocal. This same thing had happened to me in high school on a message board maintained by me and my friends. Suddenly I felt threatened and insulted and laughed at by people I thought I had a good relationship with. It made me feel like shit when I was 17, and it made me feel like shit when I was 22.
I don’t think it would be an issue if it was a random troll who had stumbled upon our blogs and decided to start some shit. I don’t so much care what random people think. Just you guys, the people I choose to have in my life.
Luckily, I saved a couple of the comments, so I’d like to post them here for posterity and maybe point out the parts that were particularly creepy. These aren’t in any particular order because I just saved them in an e-mail.
inverted and all is lost. the technology is brilliant and free. stack it and someone will be nice enough to knock it over. a lonely mouse is anonymouse. buh bye.
I think this one was posted some time shortly after I got my snazzy new Mac. To me, this sounds suspiciously like a threat, sort of like, If you acquire lots of material crap, someone’s going to take it from you.
immortalization deleted. television card games make great stocking stuffers. something interesting deleted. the only one who cares deleted. the woman seperated from agony by glass and tubes deleted. entertainment deleted. post deleted. if you delete an anonymous comment in the forest, can you hear it scream? not worth the effort. not appreciated. deleted.
This one creeped me out most of all, though Anonymouse deleted it, not me (but I get a copy of all comments sent to my e-mail, so I saw it anyway). I had just ordered the Sex and the City trivia game online for Amber for Christmas and hadn’t told a soul! Then some anonymous asshole comes along and talks about television games (the game came with big trivia cards) making good stocking stuffers. Tell me that’s not crazy! At that point I began wondering if this loon was monitoring my online activity. (The references to “deleted” are there because I had deleted a previous Anonymouse comment).
ugh, as they say. my plot thickens. the sanguine flow stems from misery on the other side of us. he is made by the mirror. in the conch, the ghost is heard, not the sea. buh bye.
^ Not a clue what that one is about.
something nice to read. a challenge makes enemies. no harm, no foul. take your cake. something to end your boredom. go back to your perch, blend the signals until you fall asleep. grunt. buh bye.
^ Ditto for that one. Except it sounds insulting, telling me to go back to my perch like a fucking stupid parrot who just regurgitates words or something.
The next three popped up on Phil’s blog:
she took a drag from the barbecue grill smoke. she cried as if her face was a machine gun. my box reminds me that contents are fragile. nixon with the face of alice cooper. buh bye.
modus operandi plays peek-a-boo. my intentions of web-based joy have incensed the masses. something fun to find. something weird to unearth. something random to unmask. my immortalization is removable. deleted.
i smell, she laughs, i love forever. anonymity ended at the dip of a chip. back rub rain check as eyes close for the night. allow yourself to be proud of what you accomplished today, times two. flicking ash through window cracks. my love ended her slavery.
^ Fed up with the whole thing, I posted a rebuke of Anonymouse, to which he/she replied:
hi. it’s very interesting to see persons throwing insults so easily. someone comes to your journal and decides to leave behind some random brain excrement, not insulting or threatening anyone, and because of their anonymity, they are labeled as “assholes” and “jasons”. this was nothing more than an experiment. a little aimless verbiage, to fill a void left by people that have not yet or will not respond to your personal thoughts and feelings. every time i wrote a passage, it was completely devoid of any real motive, just something peculiar to invoke thought, discussion, or maybe even a laugh or two. you have chosen not to think, but to lash out at that which you don’t understand. but that is the way of humans, so i don’t hold you responsible. over and out.
And here’s last Anonymouse comment I ever got, on Dec. 13, 2004:
we wait for the keybringer, he has our doughnuts. 8 dollars for a historical document. the violent violet rain lasts ten minutes. responsibility flies like time, or a pig. i would have driven you home safely. i hear it now, she’s going to say “hey, baby.”
Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck any of those are supposed to mean, either. But there they are. There are more that are lost forever. And still more on Amber’s old dead blog and I think one even made its way onto Kristin’s old dead blog.
It seems so silly now, of course, but I still wonder who Anonymouse was and the motive behind those ridiculous posts. I don’t buy that there was no motive at all. There is always a motive.
And I wonder if Anonymouse is still reading but just not saying anything anymore …
“I would have driven you home safely.” ??? Was that metaphorical? Positively spooky!
As one whose career as a Lurker and anonymous poster lasted all of about a week, I hear some things in this spew. I hear intense longing to connect. But I hear intense fear of the longing, like the person knows he/she is in a very risky place if his/her real feelings were to be exposed. Hence all this showmanship. Quite impressive. He/she got you all worked up. But he/she is really the one in pain. This person was in some Emotional Badlands.
Just my opinion, treat it like one of those Neutrinos, or whatever those doggie nads are called. Signed, Sarah S. Frazier, no longer anonymous old person who works with Lindsey in Memphis, TN (Hey zarqawi. what up, you sick bastard?)
I still think it was Nick.
I can confirm for you now that it was Jimmy. Most of the references are about us, small things that only he and I would know. Some stuff about you and Amber he gleaned from our conversations. I figured it out pretty quickly and told him to knock it off, but he kept going. Okiesmom pretty much has Jimmy pegged.
And if Jimmy is reading this, too bad. He knew it was pissing you guys off and he did it anyway.
There, big secret exposed, Jimmy can be an ass.
Eureka!!
When this journalism thing falls through, I’m headed for the local precinct to pick up an application. Because that was my hunch all along.
Well, that makes sense. Everyone knows that guy is an asshole.
I can’t hear you because I’m in the hallway humming. LOUDLY.
Is this to say I was a suspect? I don’t know whether to be hurt or touched…
Jason, I never suspected you and neither did Amber. In fact, I think Amber commented once, “Cox would never be such an asshole.”
first off, kristin had no idea it was me, it was revealed at an el camino dinner when she had brought it up, and i was never asked to stop doing it. we sat all through dinner and recited them, me giving her the inside meanings to the ones she couldn’t figure out. she is going to say these things because of events that have transpired between us, to make me look even worse than the lowly, blue collar, no-future having bum that she/everybody thinks i am. second, i was becoming overly addicted to the internet, having a lightning quick server at work. i would sit and my mind would swim with thoughts, thoughts that crashed together into bit-sized cryptic “poems”. wanting an audience (without the audience having a face to look at), especially an audience that had a knack for writing anyway, i established this alterego. this was my only motive. it started out harmless enough, and it seemed as though i was creating some interest. things went sour, and i should have ended it there, but i didn’t and i apologize. i honestly thought that this past weekend would be awkward, knowing that you had probably made up your mind and took kristins side on the story of “us”, but you were very nice to me and i really love the dane cook cds. hey, joey, take care, man. you rule. buh bye.
“i smell, she laughs, i love forever. anonymity ended at the dip of a chip.”
kristin asked me to smell her armpit, not thinking i would. she found it hilarious when i pulled her sleeve down and inhaled. i found it smelly. but it formed a feeling of ultimate comfort in me that i added to my growing collection of things to love about her. the chip and dip line is in reference to revealing myself while consuming greasy, salty nacho chips and salsa.