pregnancy weather

Week twelve

This week the clouds dumped roughly three thousand inches of water onto us over the course of several days, and I was very grateful for a roof over my head. I spent some time in the basement at work as a menacing cell moved through Downtown. The sun is out today. All around us and especially to the south, there are enormous amounts of carnage and destruction. The death toll was still in double digits when I went to bed. No more. It’s an awful reality to wake up to today for many, many people.

This video has been making the internet rounds and it is truly amazing. I don’t understand tornadoes. I can look at explanatory diagrams and illustrations all the livelong day and I will still never be able to wrap my mind around why the sky needs to get so pissed off and reach down and sweep the ground like that. It’s barbaric. We will never outcivilize that. Toward the end of that video, you hear the guy whimpering in horror and complete disbelief of what he has seen. It’s like he’s caught a glimpse of the true face of God and it ain’t beautiful. It’s an unwieldy, hideous monster.

And then, as is customary, we appeal to God for comfort in the aftermath. That’s the circle of life, I suppose.

Speaking of other circles of life, the baby plumped up to plum size this week, and I have read that its facial features are becoming more defined. One feature it can be sure to look forward to is insane eyebrows. Mommy and Daddy are both afflicted with this sickness. Daddy especially because he is Polish.

I’m starting to imagine what it’s going to be like to not be able to maneuver my body in ways I’m used to. Already I find pants to be an annoying barrier between me and a life well lived. Well, moreso than I already did. For a month now it’s been uncomfortable to lie on my stomach at all; it literally feels like there’s a plum in there. Do you think the Princess and the Pea was actually a cautionary tale about pregnancy? Just putting that out there, Universe. Discuss.

We met with a midwife on Tuesday. She’s every bit as kickass as I had been led to believe, so that’s encouraging. She sent me home with a packet of information and a nice, confident feeling that home birth is what I want to strive for. I know enough about The World AKA The Internet to know that even saying that aloud invites lots of unsolicited input on the matter. I’ve been on the crinkle-your-nose-at-the-thought side of that fence too. But that’s okay. Getting used to unsolicited input is the first rule of motherhood. Learning to say, “That’s nice but kindly fuck off” is the second rule.

I am starting to have visions of what the nursery should look like. I keep waffling on whether or not I want to bother painting, even though I’m tired of the brown-ish neutral in there. The process is going to require a lot of shuffling and a lot of purging. The packrattery will hopefully be overpowered by the nesting. I foresee spring cleaning, lasting until, oh, October 31 or so.

7 thoughts on “Week twelve”

  1. I think your description of that dude’s whimper is exactly right.

    And my mind is blown by this princess & the pea thing. I will have to think on it some. I will also now think of your fetus as “Pea.”

  2. Yeah, The Princess & The Pea is totally a metaphor for a guy with a tiny penis and his search for the woman he could possibly hope to even minimally satisfy.

  3. I’ve faced down all those crinkled-nose looks and lived to tell the homebirth story. If you need any info or just some moral support, feel free to drop me a line.

  4. All I heard from a zillion people was “get the epidural” “don’t be a hero, get the epidural.” And when I was in the hospital, I heard some lady scream bloody murder and asked the nurse what was up and she said, “natural birth…she didn’t want an epidural.”

    So, okay, sure. That fucking epidural was a nightmare. And sure, my kid’s head was only the size of a grapefruit, but I really wish I hadn’t bothered with the epidural at all. Pointless. I’m sure other people have experienced pain with childbirth, but I doubt it’s anything you can’t handle or have already felt. I’m sure you’re plenty tough. You’re also young so I think home birth is a perfectly logical choice.

  5. I am so excited you’re going to do a homebirth! As I told Liz the afternoon that Eliza was born, it is totally doable. Yeah it hurts some, but you’re bringing a person into the world, where is it written that that should be easy! Besides the forget-it-all hormones kick in when you see that little punkin.

  6. I’ve always known that I would have a home birth if my pregnancy didn’t prove too complicated or risky. I’ve thoroughly researched it and am fascinated by midwifery.

    It’s finding a suitable donor that’s proved tricky. I’ve got all my eggs wanting to jump in one tall Scandinavian basket. We’ll see.

    I think you’re extra awesome for making this decision.

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