Thanks, weed

I trudged out into the back yard just now to hang up the bird feeder and gauge the weather (judging from the temperature inside my house, it’s a chilly 60 or so outside; this is hardly the case), and scope out the flowerbeds, which have yet to get any real attention from me, as I am waiting on my mom to come to town to tell me what to do with which bed. I just get paralyzed when trying to plan anything beyond container plants.

I noticed some weird little spindly weed in the flowerbed behind the back bank of windows, and went to yank it up. As soon as I grabbed it, it shot a dozen seeds at me — PINGPINGPINGPINGPING!! — and because I was groggy and still headachey and not exactly sure what had happened — did a plant just shoot seeds at me? — and I felt paranoid for thinking I was under attack, I grabbed its identical neighbor weed as a control group. And that thing sure as shit shot the same amount of little yellow seeds at me.

I brushed myself off and came inside, leaving those damn things in the ground.

(I bet some of you saw the title of this post and got really excited for some scandal. Sorry, as always, to disappoint.)