1. At 3:21 every morning, for at least two minutes, the radiator right beside my bed sounds like it’s being bludgeoned with a tire iron. 2. The nocturnal birds outside my window really get a kick of out belting out their night tunes from 1 a.m. until the sun comes up, when they’re drowned out by the other birds just getting up for a full day of chirping and puking up worms for their babies.…
Amber (right) and Not Craig. Because the universe has an odd sense of humor, today is not only Phil’s birthday, but Amber’s. And what better way to celebrate her birthday, really, than flying in to Tennessee and driving down to the delta to visit me, with Craig in tow. This will be my first time meeting Craig. I have seen a couple of his short films (and if I was a better person and a…
Suck it, Japan. Tonight I got off work and trolled the streets for an open liquor store, as Phil was hankering to get sauced in preparation for his 26th birthday tomorrow (today, Sunday — whatever, time nazis). But nothing was still open at 11:30, which I decided to blame on the effing blue laws, whether or not they are actually responsible. What is the deal, Memphis? Think of the economic benefits of allowing alcoholics and…
What I’m about to do is going to make me sound like a real asshole. But I have to. Sidelines, what the fuck? It’s been more than half a semester that you’ve been under the leadership of the person who basically sent the old staff packing because they weren’t, in her view, good enough. So why do you suck so hard? Shouldn’t you have mastered the most basic grammatical functions and newspaper conventions by now?…
It’s been sort of a grisly week in terms of strange, demented, and/or violent news stories. The Dyersburg nanny. The husband-killing Selmer woman. And now this. The story is quite chilling: A suspect in the grisly killings of a Midtown couple, found wrapped in plastic in an attic, died early Friday during a gun battle with police that also killed his father. Police said that Larry Mosely, 29, of Memphis would have been charged with…
Is it okay to reuse the same joke (“It’s okay; I plan to sue.”) when I’m asked the same question (“You know those iPod earphones will make you deaf, right?”) by different people?
The bathroom sink is leaking smelly rust-colored water. Actually, the water it’s leaking is quite clear until it snakes its way through the wooden cabinets and onto the grimy tiled floor, where it pools behind the toilet and then turns a nice translucent burnt orange. I’m not sure at what point it starts to stink.
Mmmm, shredded cow muscle. Today I cooked lunch for myself: taco salad. Okay, it was just meat, cheese, and chips, so it was more like a beefy plate of nachos, but it’s a start. I’m working my way up to adding rice (they were out of my preferred Mexican rice at the grocery) and lettuce (I forgot to get it) and maybe a dollop of Daisy. My concoction turned out relatively well. I could have…
When I was younger and living with my parents, I would inspect every corner of each cereal box as I sat at the table munching on my Pops or Golden Grahams or Honeycomb or Froot Loops. I would count the hidden fruits, fill in the simple crosswords, and answer the trivia questions a hundred times in my head. And I’d do it again and again, same box, different day. And then I moved off to…
The Beale Street Music Fest lineup is trickling in, and its offerings are woefully bad. And by that, I merely mean that there’s no one I’d be interested in seeing, but I have bad taste in music, so don’t take my word as gospel. Friday, May 5: B.B. King, Train, Puddle of Mudd, Zac Brown Band, Marty Casey & Love Hammers, Augustine, Big Star, Billy Gibson, Bryan Adams, Duwayne Burnside, Jason Mraz, Robert Randolph &…
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