[Big-time ‘Boro]The Onion has a pretty funny story datelined in Murfreesboro. It’s even funnier that they repeatedly use the phrase “central Tennessee,” which no one in Middle Tennessee would ever actually use.
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Author: theogeo
Cats. Typefaces. Bad jokes.
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[Here’s to the small things]On this rainiest of Wednesdays, let us be thankful for:+ rent checks that don’t bounce+ learning that Googling yourself is no longer just an act of self-flattery; it’s a security precaution+ Nick Anderson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning cartooning+ Pepsi, when you get tired of Coke+ Drake Rogers and his gamy camper+ AARP commercials slamming Bush’s Social Security “reform”+ the Scene, which, by all accounts, exists on a higher plane than the Memphis alt…
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[Although I do know a boy who was raised by squirrels]Comedy Central has lost much of my viewership since inundating the cablewaves with tributes to Jeff Foxworthy and the Blue Collar Comedy Clowns. But they might win back my love if they keep playing Kids in the Hall episodes around the time I get off work. So, since it’s late and I’m not sleepy enough to go to bed, I thought I’d post a list…
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[This hole in my heart is in the shape of you]Finally, Jeanette Winterson‘s newest, Lighthousekeeping, is out in the states. I’m squealing with delight on the inside, since I can’t squeal aloud just yet. Unfortunately, she’s not coming anywhere near Memphis for a reading, but she’ll be in New York on April 18. I know a New Yorker who just might like to see her. Winterson’s column says tickets for the New York appearance are…
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[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!]Fuck you, IRS. Fuck you, H&R Block. There is no reason why getting $300 worth of taxes done should cost $138 just because one of the W2s is from Alabama!!! Next year, so help me, I’m doing my own taxes.
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[You kick the bucket, I’ll swing my legs]Two recurring themes have made themselves known these past two months: People calling me Leslie, and roaches in my apartment. So today I’m unveiling the Leslie-ometer, and the Roach Ranker. Leslie-ometer: 5 (since coming to Memphis)Roach Ranker: 4 (a fat one scurried up the wall while we were watching TV in the bedroom) +++Last night, Jennifer, this gal Phil used to work with at Roly Poly, came over…
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[Operation Fatass Pt. I]Today was gorgeous, so I actually went outside and walked around like a mobile biped. And there was some jogging! Not much, of course. God, I hate running. But on the whole, it was nice. Got the ol’ endorphins flowing. I checked out Lichterman Nature Center, which, unless you pay admission to go inside the buildings and then inside the forest, is a whole bunch of asphalt. But it’s still nice a…
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[I got punk’d]I spent the whole morning conjuring up impotent April Fool’s pranks to unleash on Phil (we women always want to spring for the pregnancy scare for some reason) and never once thought that he might get me first — and best. He comes home every day at noon for his two-hour lunch, and today was no different, except that I met him in the hall and he wasn’t wearing his scrubs. And he…
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[Sweet and somber]Someone hit Bill Kristol in the face with a pie. Awesome. Also, RIP Terri Schiavo and all the others who will die today and beyond but whose names will escape the news.
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[Myopia] We look out the window and see brown geometry, mortar and asphalt. Without thinking, we reach to answer the ring in our ear. Blink twice for clarity. Behind us, beyond the plate-glass, the day dissolves into black without so much as a hiss to let us know the air is escaping. We stare at bright screens as our retinas fray. We wonder where all the words went. Where all the worlds went. How things…
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