I know putting a little bit of tape on an animal’s foot is pretty mean, but I’m not above doing it for a laugh every now and then. Plus, it’s payback for all those times I’ve stepped in piss while the animals sat in the corner and snickered at my half-repulsed, half-pissed reaction. I wish I had a better camera; when Felix darts under the bed, you can’t really see him hopping around trying to…
Krissie and Nick. I intended to wish both Nick and my sister a happy birthday here, but I ended up coming home after the fair and passing out. Which is why I’m up at 7 a.m. (Actually, I got up shortly after 6, before the sun was even up.) Luckily I remembered to call them both — my sister in the morning and then Nick yesterday evening (I would have called yesterday morning but…
I’ve long known that celebrities are more powerful than the rest of us, and that they have direct, unfettered access to one of the myriad ears of God in case they need someone smote for talking smack about their huge, diseased lips. But I didn’t realize that you could be smote multiple times for offending a celebrity. I really thought I had toughed the worst of my karmic punishment earlier this year. Not so much.…
This time last night I posted an entry about being driven nearly to insomnia during my first year of college by nocturnal noises I was powerless to stop. And at the end of the entry, I expressed my gratitude for my own apartment, in which I can sleep soundly with no annoying noises to keep me awake all night. Well, tonight as I was sitting on the couch, winding down after work, I heard a…
I just wish this video was accompanied by its actual sounds instead of this song. This very annoying song. In other ferret news, Gonzo’s not looking so great these days — he’s lost a lot of hair but it’s kind of hard to tell because his skin is as pale as his coat was, so he looks the same until you’re up close to him. However, he has been playing a bit more lately, which…
Yesterday I posted a hilarious Borat video over at Wineography (NSFW unless your boss is OK with weenis), when I proclaimed aloud, “I am in love with him.” Which is true. Ever since Talladega Nights I’ve been crushing on Sacha Baron Cohen. And last night as I slept, my brain decided to make a story starring him. And here’s how it went: We are in my parents’ house, in my old Pepto Bismol pink bedroom…
Phil’s neighborhood is bustling around the clock these days. Last weekend the Cooper-Young Festival had the streets teeming with cars looking for nooks and crannies into which they could shove their compact cars. Now it’s the fair, two blocks from his house. Everyone’s looking for free street parking so they can avoid the $7 parking fee at the official lots. Several of Phil’s neighbors, not recognizing him pass by in my car (his car has…
I know it’s horribly cliché to even mention how flabbergasted you are by the passage of time, but it is almost October, which means Christmas is almost here, which means I am about to turn 25 years old, which can’t be right. I’m gonna need to see some documentation. And I’m gonna need for the Earth to spin a little less vigorously to ease me into fall this year. I love autumn, but I’m just…
Lately I’ve been watching a lot of Roseanne reruns on Oxygen. I remember watching the show way back when I was a kid and it was ABC’s big hit for all those years, but only now that I’m older and there’s some learnin’ in my head do I realize what a truly fantastic show it is, on tons of different levels. Obviously, the show is funny in its own right, progressive agendas notwithstanding. The writing…
Gentlemen, let us use my encounter with the man at a local 24-hour pharmacy’s checkout counter to help you hone your Game. If you expect to get a bite, don’t follow the falsely innocuous “You look so familiar — where are you from?” and “So, are you currently involved with anyone?” questions up with any of the following: “I didn’t think you looked like a 12-year-old coming up in here who didn’t have anybody.” (WTF…
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