What? 1. He drinks his own pee. 2. He steps in his own pee and then licks his foot. 3. He licks Felix’s naughty bits. 4. Knowing the kinds of things Gonzo licks, I still let him give me kisses.
The bathroom leak is getting worse. I woke up today and the area from the cabinet all the way to the tub was soaked. This includes my rug, which was green but now has a nice rust tint to it. My anxiety about this problem is seeping into my dreams. I fell asleep yesterday on the couch and dreamed that I was trapped in a small kitchen whose walls were soggy with rainwater and bulging…
I am the happiest right now that I have been in a while.
How can I possibly offer consolation to someone who found this blog by searching for “curly rape david sedaris”?
Friends, I subscribe to the weekly Savannah Courier to keep up with the shenanigans and goings-on of my Hardin County brothers and sisters (and, I’ll admit, the growing list of my peers who are getting hitched and having babies), and every week the paper is delivered to my doorstep (okay, stuffed in my tiny mailbox) brimming with a particular hilarity best exemplified by rural white America. And every week it is a struggle for me…
Sometimes it’s fun to get out of your car, lock the doors, walk to the door, and shoot a look at your car as the timed headlights click off, imagining that you made them go off with your mind.
Lest this space become the epicenter of passive-aggressive Sidelines-bashing, I’d like to point out a delightfully written lede by one Jennifer Holder. Although it was the one-year anniversary of MTSU’s student bill of rights, John K. Wilson left his party hat at home. Yes! That is an excellent introduction to a story about one person dissenting from the ideas behind a particular policy. It’s short, clever, funny, and it basically tells the story — albeit…
V for Vendetta stars Jack White (right) and a 12-year-old skinhead boy. Ah, the visit. Amber and Craig rolled in Monday morning at 12:30 or so. We sat up until 4:30 or so clucking. Quick Craig Report I really, really like Craig. He is smart and funny and courteous and generous and generally a solidly good guy. As you might have heard, he does quite a David Brent. It’s spot-on. But more importantly, he’s perfect…
1. At 3:21 every morning, for at least two minutes, the radiator right beside my bed sounds like it’s being bludgeoned with a tire iron. 2. The nocturnal birds outside my window really get a kick of out belting out their night tunes from 1 a.m. until the sun comes up, when they’re drowned out by the other birds just getting up for a full day of chirping and puking up worms for their babies.…
Amber (right) and Not Craig. Because the universe has an odd sense of humor, today is not only Phil’s birthday, but Amber’s. And what better way to celebrate her birthday, really, than flying in to Tennessee and driving down to the delta to visit me, with Craig in tow. This will be my first time meeting Craig. I have seen a couple of his short films (and if I was a better person and a…
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