Day 182: Ahhhhhhh

On a tip, I found a super-secret swimming hole today in which to wile* away my summer afternoons. This is good. I’ve been sleeping too much (when I haven’t been sleeping enough). It’s time to get out in the sunshine. To let the light in.

So much to talk about, but nothing to say. Waves and waves of pain and disappointment have hit several of the people around me lately, and I’ve been left each time with a look of sick sympathy on my face. “Let me know what I can do” has become my currency, something I can exchange for nods and thanks but that leaves me feeling hollow and a bit useless in the face of all that’s gone rotten, all that I can’t even begin to help fix. I don’t know what to do other than link arms with the people I love and stand, staring into the Universe’s gaping maw, examining the things we’ve been given and deciding that the Universe can go fuck itself; we’ll be fine.

As for me and my skull, I’m feeling good. Feeling fine. I’ve teetered here and there, but for the most part, I’ve been up out of the emotional tar pit for a couple of weeks now. That last bout of unpleasantness was … unpleasant. But it happens and, as a condition of living, it will continue to happen. I understand that, and my understanding of that cycle is the one thing that is going to allow me to manage it. Here’s what I know right now: I am an animal and I am alive and breathing and screaming and biting. And it’s good.

[Project 365]

* I spent a good deal of time fretting over while/wile only to realize that no one fucking knows for sure, so just get another beer already.