O GOD I’M DYING

So last week sucked on toast and, consequently, I busted up into this week with some sort of deluded optimism, thinking it would be better just by virtue of being new. Hoo boy. Ain’t that cute? Granted, I have been more or less in better spirits overall, but it’s still been a fucking trying week, what with the project from hell going apeshit and imploding on me, requiring a from-the-ground-up rebuild, among other things. (Seriously, FMAtlas, I nearly sent you a mailbomb yesterday for the shenanigans that map pulled — adding a point back every time I tried to delete an extraneous one, resulting in 20, count ’em, 20 of the same points stacked on top of one another, none of which could be deleted for some super stupid reason — but then I remembered you are free and used the Twitter precedent and decided to take it easy on you because of that.)

I have a lot on my plate right now and some things have shifted and I have a new role at work, and it’s a little tougher than I thought it would be to transition into it. I’m suddenly hyper-aware of my position as a leader/manager, and I’m having to second-guess that way I act in the office. Suddenly I’m not so sure I can be the same person I’ve been all along and expect things to be kosher. I mean, I cuss. A LOT. And I get mouthy and bitchy — sheesus, I have been a bitch on wheels all week — and I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive and petulant (shocking, I know) about certain things. I’ve kind of painted myself into a corner. I think I’m pretty professional, for the most part, but there is a side of me that is as annoying as a kicking and screaming child on a ten-hour flight across the ocean. And I need to work on that. I need to not be such a knee-jerk snark artist (seriously, it’s as if I majored in snide remarks in college), and I need to learn how to control how I communicate my frustration and anger at work.

I’m not saying I want to learn how to be some kind of yes (wo)man or some kind of relentless cheerleader, but I am saying that I don’t want to be a toxic element in my workplace. If I am called upon to be a leader, which I have been, then I need to quit being such a sniveling crybaby. BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Or something. I mean, there is so much shit to get annoyed at where I work, but guess what — that’s everywhere everyone works. The best thing we can do is chip away at the annoying shit by being proactive and not just accepting it and bitching to our co-workers about how much everything sucks. Right? *frantically looks around* RIGHT?!

Anyway, I don’t know what the point of this post is, because I originally came here to bitch about the crick in my neck that cropped up today, and the weird feeling I have that I might be getting sick. You know, stress sick. Which is weird because I never get sick, and I sure as shit don’t get sick in the summer. Ugh. But I can feel something amiss in my body. Like my bones have a cold. My head is churning with natural antihistamines. My joints are achy. NOOOOOO!

Meanwhile, the cats are having an epic battle with an old Furby they found stashed in a bag o’ crap waiting to be taken to the Goodwill. I think they want to learn to love the Furby, but they’re just not sure why he won’t respond when they smack him. (I’ve removed the batteries.)

I need a vacation.