100 more things

I haven’t updated my self-indulgent 100 Things list in a long time. So long that several of those things aren’t true anymore.

So, because I’m bored and trying to kill time in ways that don’t involve television (but are admittedly just as stupid and pointless), here’s a new 100 Things list. I’m not even kidding when I say that I started making this list more than a year ago, forgot about it, added to it, forgot about it, etc., until just now, when I found it and decided to plug in the last few and slap it up.

1. I wear the same Doc Martens I’ve worn since 8th grade. Which, if I’m doing the math right (which I’m probably not; see No. 90), means they have cost me less than 2 cents a day.
2. When I type, my pinky fingers stick out to the side.
3. One time at band camp, a fellow trombonist and I did a rain dance and it actually ended up raining.
4. Yeah, I played trombone in band. Shut up.
5. It gives me a little thrill when I notice “open” signs left on in businesses that are, in fact, closed.
6. When I had braces, I color coordinated the bands to correspond with seasons and holidays (red and green for xmas, orange and black for halloween, red, white and blue for July 4, etc.).
7. The first concert I ever saw (not counting ones involuntarily witnessed at the Mid-South rodeo) was Weezer at 328 in Nashville.
8. My entire family insisted on driving my then-boyfriend and me up to the event and making the weekend of it.
9. I guess I can understand; I was only 14.
10. I went to the high school prom three times — twice with the same guy.
11. The worst prom I went to happened to be my own.
12. I wore fake nails to the first two proms.
13. I spent many hours during high school working in my parents’ video store.
14. I pretty much ran that place.
15. I have an irrational fear of dropping my keys down the elevator shaft at work.
16. I tend to have lascivious dreams when I nap.
17. I was once interviewed for a San Francisco Examiner story about people who hate Star Wars.
18. I worry about the day that my nephews will stop thinking I am fun to hang out with.
19. I also worry about their awkward teenage years, which are just beginning, because I know how much those years can SUCK and give you neurotic tendencies.
20. My wine habit stays manageable only because I refuse to buy bottles that cost more than $15 unless it’s a special occasion.
21. Sometimes I pick up things off the floor with my feet.
22. I figure by the time I die I will have spent roughly 33 percent of my life rummaging through my purse.
23. Memphis has finally started to feel like home, although I still can’t shake the wanderlust lurking in me.
24. All my life, people have wanted to call me “Leslie.”
25. I don’t like spicy food.
26. Or most seafood.
27. Despite my self-deprecating protests to the contrary, I am actually pretty good with kids.
28. That doesn’t mean I feel qualified to have any of my own.
29. I don’t balance my checkbook. Ever.
30. It boggles my mind that anyone reads the crap on this blog.
31. I talk to my cats in complete sentences.
32. And lots of curse words.
33. I dread the day Felix gets sick.
34. I miss Gonzo.
35. My nails look nice when they are painted.
36. I absolutely hate hanging up clothes.
37. It is physically, emotionally, and psychologically impossible for me to de-clutter my life.
38. I think I’d like the gym better if there weren’t mirrors everyfreakingwhere.
39. The car is pretty much the only place I sing at the top of my lungs.
40. I have an unfortunately nasally, monotone voice.
41. And sometimes I bark when I laugh.
42. I have not yet explained my complicated lack of religious beliefs to my parents.
43. That would probably introduce a whole new era of weirdness into my family relations that I’d rather avoid, because I get along with the family for the most part.
44. It makes me uncomfortable when people witness to me.
45. I often wonder how I went from being The Quiet One to being The Obnoxious Profane One in so many different settings.
46. I wish I could dance, or that I had any desire to do so.
47. One of my pet peeves is when people don’t use “myriad” correctly.
48. I have never fainted.
49. I like to eat ice cream and cereal out of cups.
50. My brother is such a stud it kind of makes me jealous that he is able to attract all these cute young ladies, while I have absolutely no game and couldn’t attract a cluster of flies even if I had a rotting piece of meat strapped to my chest.
51. I worry about the day I will have to take care of my parents.
52. There is no way I can return all the favors they’ve done for me over my lifetime.
53. Every day I fret over my Next Move.
54. The one thing keeping me from going back to school is going deeper into debt.
55. I am straight, but I’d go gay for Regina Spektor, Jessica Alba, and Laura Prepon.
56. I used to think I was not a beach person, but spending a week in Honolulu convinced me that I could absolutely work at it.
57. Part of my super secret five-year plan is to ease my way into a job that includes mostly daytime hours.
58. I downloaded my first ringtone in September.
59. I did not see what all the fuss was about.
60. I have lens lust and no money with which to feed it.
61. My biggest weakness in the world is wine and cheese.
63. One of these days I hope to host legendary wine and cheese parties. Because I’m a friggin’ dork.
64. I love my Mac, but I am not in love with it.
65. I prefer my milk to be skim and my bread to be wheat.
66. One of my favorite smells is a wine glass after it’s been emptied.
67. I look and feel better with a tan.
68. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I decided to move back to Saltillo or Savannah.
69. It would probably not be so bad, considering how cheap things are there and how easy it would be to rely on family.
70. My bones pop constantly. All of them. And many of them (wrists, jaw, neck, fingers, etc.) will pop on cue.
71. Others may suffer, but I like having coffee breath.
72. I want my parents to pay attention to their health and weight.
73. I still think they’re both beautiful.
74. Quite foolishly, I feel like moving into a house would solve half my problems.
75. My sister helped me cheat in a church Easter egg hunt one year. She was old enough to hide and I was young enough to hunt, and she steered me in the right direction and I won lots of chocolate.
76. I can’t remember if that was the same year she put a real egg in my grandmother’s tailpipe or what.
77. That egg stunk for weeks.
78. I secretly hope that Tamara and I share a few strands of DNA.
79. That would explain a LOT.
80. I have no plans to attend any class reunions.
81. But what I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall to just watch.
82. And probably get really bored.
83. It took me 26 years but I finally understand that some pants just work better with a belt.
84. Seeing Amber twice a year is not enough.
85. I miss Tolstoy Tuesdays and think maybe we should pick them back up now and again.
86. I haven’t written a poem in forever.
87. My first boyfriend wrote this in my yearbook the year he graduated and — two months after writing this — dumped my freshman ass in the aisle of a grocery store while he was working there: “Keep your head on your shoulders and your feet on the ground and you’ll go places, kid.”
88. I’m not sure any future kiss-off will ever top that.
89. I have lots of dreams, and I try to document them as often as possible.
90. Me and math, we don’t get along.
91. I still think I’d like to be a teacher.
92. I really do like helping people learn things, and that moment when someone figures out something on his/her own is a cool feeling.
93. I eavesdrop on neighbors whenever I have the chance.
94. I cannot exercise without my iPod.
95. I love making mixed CDs for people.
96. There’s not a day that passes that I don’t wish I was a musician of some sort.
97. I’m okay with being a word person, though.
98. I tend to crop mugshots a little too tight.
99. I always turn down the stereo when approaching an intersection.
100. I squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste tube.