This dog.
This fucking dog.
I’m convinced that there are no babies or toddlers living at this moment who have not come into contact with this dog.
This dog can feel the slightest wind of your passing nearby as you silently pad over toward the light switch after your young child has started to doze off, and this dog will plead, “PATTY CAKE, PATTY CAKE, BAKER’S MAN!”
This dog can feel your presence if you are nearby so that it can scream, “YOU’RE MY FRIEND!!!!!”
And each time this dog speaks, you will briefly envision the world erupting into nuclear fucking fire, ignited by your rage-filled scorched-fucking-earth laser-beam eyes, that lay to waste everyfuckingthing you gaze upon because JESUS CHRIST WHY DOES THIS DOG HAVE TO SCREAM WHEN YOU WALK PAST IT AT THE QUIETEST MOMENT OF THE DAY?!?
And yet my child loves this dog. I kind of love this dog. It’s relentlessly upbeat and sweet and friendly despite all the awful things in the world.
So I can’t put this dog up. I keep this freaking dog around because we enjoy it.
This is a universal toddler-parenting experience in 2013, I am pretty sure.
fair warning….that dog gets worse with age….as annoying as it was when my son was playing with it every day, multiply that when it gets stuffed in the bottom of a bin in his closet, & randomly decides to make noises from the deep, dark recesses at any & all hours of the day & night.