[Her left eye is lazy]

Here I was anticipating some holiday weirdness, when everything went off without a hitch. The turkey was great, the macaroni was awesome, and the rolls were yeasty. There were no arguments and there was no tension. We ate, drank, and were merry, and even though no one drank the wine or gobbled up the Spicy Moon Cake at the voracious rate I had pictured, I still had a fabulous time. I spent the evening entertaining the kids — Casey, Patrick, and Tyler — with rounds of games: poker, go fish, “Aggravation,” “Life,” and then a treasure hunt with no prize at the end, sadly. However, I managed to make them think a little about the clues. For example: “Your next clue can be found taped to an appliance that sucks.” If you said “vacuum!” you’re smarter than an 8-year-old. I thought about doing a similar clue (“The next clue can be found on an appliance that blows” for a fan) but I figured the adults might not relish my obviously naughty overtones. Adults. Pah!

Tomorrow I’ll drive back and immerse myself in the hellish world of retail for quite possibly the worst day of the year for retail workers. Everyone should come on over and rip things off the racks, strewing them all in the floor for us lowly workers to pick up. It’ll be fun!