[iTunes pays better attention than I thought]

OK, one more before I take my snot and mucus to bed. This one’s from Cox and Wendy.

Put up the following list of questions, hit shuffle on your digital music player, recite each question aloud, and see what song plays in answer to each question. Then draw random overwrought conclusions. Laugh. Sniffle. Repeat.

For the record, I didn’t manipulate these in any way (like toggle certain songs off in iTunes, etc.), which makes several of them pretty freaking hilarious.

• What do you think of me?
“The Sound of Settling” by Death Cab for Cutie
My brain’s repeating
‘if you’ve got an impulse let it out’
but they never make it past my mouth

• Will I have a happy life?
“King of Carrot Flowers part 2&3” by Neutral Milk Hotel
I will float until I learn how to swim inside my mother
in a garbage bin until I find myself again again up
and over we go mouths open wide and spitting still

• What do my friends really think of me?
“Working Class Hero” by John Lennon (Plastic Ono Band)
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you’re so clever and classless and free,
But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see

• Do people secretly lust after me?
“Narc” by Interpol
Touch your thighs, I’m the lonely one
Remember that last sweat ’cause that was the right one
Oh, all your mysteries are moving in the sun
And show some love and respect
Wanna get some love and respect

• How can I make myself happy?
“High Times” by Jamiroquai (heh)
And when the phone rings
You think bad things
Well these are high high
High high times yeah

• What should I do with my life?
“Shaker” by Against Me!
Foul play! There’s a target on the audience
Vampires! We’re only in it for the money
Diluted! We took the movement to the market
So fuck us! We totally sold out the scene

• Why must life be so full of pain?
“Give in” by the Bravery
All I want is everything
Everything that I’ll ever be
Everyone that’s coming for me
Nothing happens and everything is changed
All I want is everything to stay the same

• How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
“Make up” by Elefant
I see you smile and turn your head
You lift your arms and grab the bed
I don’t know what you’re thinking now
I just hope you’re feelin how much love I have for you

• Will I ever have children?
“There There” by Radiohead
We are accidents
waiting to happen

• Will I die happy?
“Lonesome Tears” by Beck
How could this love
Ever turning
Never turn its eye on me
How could this love
Ever changing
Never change the way I feel

• Can you give me some advice?
“N.Y.” by Doves
Put your finger on the map
Who cares where it lands
Cause we’re all better off in New York

• What do you think happiness is?
“Little Fury Bugs” by Death Cab for Cutie
You’ll discover that casual friends
kept notes in their pockets
to remember your name

• What’s my favourite fetish?
“You Were Right” by Built to Spill
You were right when you said
All we are is dust in the wind
You were right when you said
We are all just bricks in the wall
And when you said manic depression’s a frustrating mess