Phone rings. <\/p>\n
Me: Hello?<\/p>\n
Phil: Hey. What are you doing?<\/p>\n
Me: Photoshoppin’ stuff. <\/p>\n
Phil: I tried to call you earlier but didn’t get through. <\/p>\n
Me: Oh, my music’s up. Probably didn’t hear it. <\/p>\n
Phil: I have a funny story for you. I think I was abducted last night.<\/p>\n
Me: Oh, god. <\/p>\n
Phil: I woke up this morning and\u2014 <\/p>\n
Me: Your butt was bleeding?<\/p>\n
Phil: Ha, no. I went to bed last night and when I woke up this morning to go to work, I was running kinda late, and stumbling around to brush my teeth and pee, and I reach for the dick hole (yes, “dick hole”), and I noticed that my underwear was on backward.<\/p>\n
Me: Um?<\/p>\n
Phil: That happens a lot to abductees. They either wake up missing an item of clothing or their underwear is on backward.<\/p>\n
Me: So you think aliens are too stupid to put people’s underwear back on the correct way?<\/p>\n
Phil: No, they’re not stupid. They just don’t know any better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Phone rings. Me: Hello? Phil: Hey. What are you doing? Me: Photoshoppin’ stuff. Phil: I tried to call you earlier but didn’t get through. Me: Oh, my music’s up. Probably didn’t hear it. Phil: I have a funny story for you. I think I was abducted last night. Me: Oh, god. Phil: I woke up this morning and\u2014 Me: Your butt was bleeding? Phil: Ha, no. I went to bed last night and when I… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1306","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1jWWl-l4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1306"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1306"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1306"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1306"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}