I woke up with an unbelievably sore neck. It’s like a hundred little gnomes took turns punching me while I slept. Or like I slept with my head turned around 180 degrees. Times like these it would be useful to have a personal masseuse<\/s>* boyfriend around to work it out for me.<\/p>\n
I think my sister found my blog. Hey, sis! Welcome to my Emporium of Ceaseless Whining. It’s where my creativity \u2014 and my free time \u2014 comes to die! Make yourself at home. Have some cheese and crackers. I’ll make you a Sex on the Beach, like old times. <\/p>\n
*I just looked up “masseuse” to make sure I was spelling it correctly, and the definition is “a woman who gives massages professionally.” Is this an outdated definition, Dictionary.com? Or is there an alternate spelling for a man who gives massages professionally? \/word wonkery.<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I woke up with an unbelievably sore neck. It’s like a hundred little gnomes took turns punching me while I slept. Or like I slept with my head turned around 180 degrees. Times like these it would be useful to have a personal masseuse* boyfriend around to work it out for me. I think my sister found my blog. Hey, sis! Welcome to my Emporium of Ceaseless Whining. It’s where my creativity \u2014 and my… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-needy-mccomplainsalot"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1jWWl-qo","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1636","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1636"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1636\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}