{"id":1811,"date":"2007-12-26T17:05:00","date_gmt":"2007-12-26T17:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/?p=1811"},"modified":"2007-12-26T17:05:00","modified_gmt":"2007-12-26T17:05:00","slug":"selected-quotes-from-holidizzle-2007","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/comedy\/selected-quotes-from-holidizzle-2007\/","title":{"rendered":"Selected quotes from Holidizzle 2007"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>My 13-year-old cousin Tyler:<\/b> Aunt Fran could barely talk last night! She was slurring her words together and dancing around the Christmas tree!<\/p>\n<p><b>Mom: <\/b> I was not! I was fully coherent. [pause] I was trashed. <\/p>\n<p>::::::::::::<\/p>\n<p><b>Aunt Cindy:<\/b>  Keri bought this birdhouse that, y&#8217;all, I swear, the front door to it looks exactly like a vagina. <\/p>\n<p><b>Dad: <\/b> So you know every time that bird comes home he feels like a pussy.<\/p>\n<p>::::::::::::<\/p>\n<p><b>Mom: <\/b> I have a doodie story!<\/p>\n<p>::::::::::::<\/p>\n<p><b>Mom <\/b> (in the hopes of embarrassing my brother in front of his new girlfriend Beverly)<b>:<\/b>  Uh oh. I feel a full moon coming on. <\/p>\n<p><b>Evan <\/b> (who has a propensity for mooning people at inappropriate times, if there is even an appropriate time to moon anyone)<b>:<\/b>  Uh oh, I think you want to see it.<\/p>\n<p>::::::::::::<\/p>\n<p><b>Casey <\/b> (my 12-year-old nephew, entering the room with the white-wine bottle I had drained earlier)<b>:<\/b>  Ooooh, Aunt Lindsey, are you going to keep this bottle? Can I have it? I love saving bottles. <\/p>\n<p><b>Me<\/b>  (looking at my sister Krissie)<b>: <\/b> You&#8217;ll have to ask your mom, but as far as I&#8217;m concerned, go for it. Just wash it out first.<\/p>\n<p><b>Krissie <\/b> (looking mildly dismayed)<b>:<\/b>  I don&#8217;t care. Just wash it out first. (To me) He is just like you &#8212; a friggin&#8217; packrat. He keeps bottles, scraps of paper, <i>everything<\/i>. <\/p>\n<p>[Casey comes back into the room, swigging some light-colored liquid out of the wine bottle.]<\/p>\n<p><b>Krissie: <\/b> NOPE! HUH-UH. GO POUR THAT OUT AND PUT THE BOTTLE UP.<\/p>\n<p>::::::::::::<\/p>\n<p><b>Krissie<\/b> (as an aside during a boisterous game of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.educationallearninggames.com\/malarky-bluffing-game.asp\" target=\"_Blank\">Malarky<\/a>) <b>:<\/b> What&#8217;s the difference between a corset and a girdle? And where does the extra fat go when you wear one?<\/p>\n<p><b>Me:<\/b> I think a corset rides higher and lower, and it&#8217;s got whalebone or something in it. All the fat is shoved into the empty cavities of your body and it smothers your organs! They&#8217;re both a physical manifestation of the oppression of women!<\/p>\n<p><b>Entire room:<\/b> GROOOOOAN.<\/p>\n<p>::::::::::::<\/p>\n<p>Heee heee. My family is hilarious. There was a lot of laughter yesterday. For several people in my family, it&#8217;s been a really tough year. But we usually manage to come together and make each other cry laughing a few times a year. My only regret is that I didn&#8217;t write down some of the other stuff that was said, like the conversation about bras and cup size, when I learned that damn near everyone in my family is a D or Double D except me. According to them, though, it&#8217;s possible that I will just randomly wake up with a huge rack some day (if I ever have kids), which is what happened to all of them. <\/p>\n<p>Ahhh, Christmas gives us such hope.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My 13-year-old cousin Tyler: Aunt Fran could barely talk last night! She was slurring her words together and dancing around the Christmas tree! Mom: I was not! I was fully coherent. [pause] I was trashed. :::::::::::: Aunt Cindy: Keri bought this birdhouse that, y&#8217;all, I swear, the front door to it looks exactly like a vagina. Dad: So you know every time that bird comes home he feels like a pussy. :::::::::::: Mom: I have&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[18,85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1811","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-comedy","category-the-family"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1jWWl-td","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1811","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1811"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1811\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1811"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1811"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1811"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}