{"id":2399,"date":"2009-05-05T03:21:48","date_gmt":"2009-05-05T08:21:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/?p=2399"},"modified":"2009-05-05T03:21:48","modified_gmt":"2009-05-05T08:21:48","slug":"day-124-monsters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/why-am-i-telling-you-this\/day-124-monsters\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 124: Monsters"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/theogeo\/3503010619\/\" title=\"Day 124: Monsters by theogeo, on Flickr\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/farm4.static.flickr.com\/3207\/3503010619_d84e1b0e0f_b.jpg\" width=\"600\" alt=\"Day 124: Monsters\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Lately I have been salving my existential scrapes with poems and new music, and finding that both just increase that feeling of dread that always nips at my heels and keeps my mind running running tripping in the alley running. People have asked me recently if I am happy and I find myself unable to even consider that question without hinging it on a cascade of qualifiers. My gut reaction is <i>of course I&#8217;m happy, what kind of question is that?<\/i> but my defensiveness perhaps belies some festering doubt that I&#8217;ve not been able to chase or drink away. <\/p>\n<p>And yet. <\/p>\n<p>The things I long for are so simple that they mock me tirelessly from the shadows as I flounder.<\/p>\n<p>Life for the goal-oriented person is particularly cruel because there are no measurable objectives. Life is swell, more or less, and I am generally pretty happy with the little existence I&#8217;ve carved out for myself. But I&#8217;m a fuckup and an emotional klutz and I seem to either create or be attracted to chaos that I can never quite get a handle on. <\/p>\n<p>Oh, God, is this where I start talking about some grass-is-greener nonsense? No, that&#8217;s not where I was headed originally. This started out sincere but I&#8217;ve clearly gotten bored with it and the words aren&#8217;t coming to me and I just want to hit publish so I can fucking get back to work on all the crap I am CONSTANTLY working on. <\/p>\n<p>Maybe I can flesh these thoughts out some night when I&#8217;m not so irrationally angry at ghosts and monsters that I can&#8217;t even see.  <\/p>\n<p>[<a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/theogeo\/sets\/72157611984534859\/\">Project 365<\/a>]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lately I have been salving my existential scrapes with poems and new music, and finding that both just increase that feeling of dread that always nips at my heels and keeps my mind running running tripping in the alley running. People have asked me recently if I am happy and I find myself unable to even consider that question without hinging it on a cascade of qualifiers. My gut reaction is of course I&#8217;m happy,&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[683,355],"tags":[1047,1027,1046,675,1045],"class_list":["post-2399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-project-365-2009","category-why-am-i-telling-you-this","tag-dumb-shit","tag-life","tag-meaning-of-life","tag-musing","tag-thoughts"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1jWWl-CH","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2399","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2399"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2399\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2399"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2399"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2399"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}