{"id":2465,"date":"2009-06-23T02:13:21","date_gmt":"2009-06-23T07:13:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/?p=2465"},"modified":"2009-06-23T02:13:21","modified_gmt":"2009-06-23T07:13:21","slug":"2009-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/musings\/2009-12\/","title":{"rendered":"2009 1\/2"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"balloon\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So the year is basically half over. Huh. Today as I was driving back to Memphis from my parents’ house, I thought about all the shit that’s happened this year and what I’ve learned and blah blah false adult lessons hooey. <\/p>\n

Just now I started writing about this fucking mess of a year so far, when I realized that that’s pretty much all I’ve written about for months now. This post in particular<\/a> is probably what I would have accidentally plagiarized had I not been flipping through the archives and seen it on my own just now. <\/p>\n

I’m pissed off, I guess. There’s a current of anger running just beneath my skin that I can’t seem to let go of. I am so angry at specific people for specific (if somewhat nebulous) reasons (specifically, I am angry at people for not loving me the way I want to be loved, or at all, or not loving me when they said they would, or not respecting my friendship, or being a disappointment, or whatever whatever et cetera and so on) and I am so fucking angry at myself for not being able to climb up out of that petty-ass sludge and get all zen on the world’s ass. Because my life is great. My life is fucking great. There is suffering everywhere I look, all the way around me, 360 degrees, zoom out, suffering everywhere. But my life? I’m coasting. I’m doing fine. I have nothing<\/i> to complain about. Seriously. The only<\/i> thing missing from my life right now is that true love bullshit that I want but don’t believe in but really do because I’ve had it before and I’m delusional enough to think I can have it again, even if I doubt that I’m capable of it. <\/p>\n

I want to transcend all the shit. I want to call out each and every person who has broken my heart or my trust or my spirit and tell them to fuck off. I want to blow doors off hinges and sweep through lives like a force of nature that’s to be reckoned with and make sure every molecule under this tedious fucking sun understands that I am not to be fucked with. <\/p>\n

These are silly fantasies straight from the mind of someone who has made a lifetime of being an emotional doormat. These are the half-crazed mind movies of someone who is as lost as she is sure of where she’s going. These are feelings that will hopefully evaporate some day if I starve them of toxins long enough. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So the year is basically half over. Huh. Today as I was driving back to Memphis from my parents’ house, I thought about all the shit that’s happened this year and what I’ve learned and blah blah false adult lessons hooey. Just now I started writing about this fucking mess of a year so far, when I realized that that’s pretty much all I’ve written about for months now. This post in particular is probably… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[31,68,355],"tags":[1098,1146,1147,1027,828,675],"class_list":["post-2465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-musings","category-randomosity","category-why-am-i-telling-you-this","tag-blah-blah-self-indulgent-hooey","tag-emotion","tag-friendships","tag-life","tag-love","tag-musing"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1jWWl-DL","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2465","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2465"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2465\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theogeo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}