I just watched the replay of the Republican YouTube debate from last night.
As usual, I have some poorly thought out and superficial observations, based on my incomplete viewing because freaking Headline News Local Edition kept cutting in to tell me about Hannah Montana and the cold front that’s coming.
• WTF is Mitt Romney’s hair made of? Cellophane? Robot cellophane?
• I have always had a soft spot for John McCain, even though he can be an ass and even though I completely disagree with his take on the war (and his contention that “they’ll follow us home” — what, they can’t find their way now?) and the way he is sometimes so friggin’ smarmy. So it hurts me to see him saddened by his colleagues’ ridiculous hedging re: torture. You know he is the one person on that stage to whom the concept of torture is more than a concept. It also hurts to hear him talk about how he used to use guns, but doesn’t have one anymore (but I know that’s probably a carefully focus-grouped answer to appeal to mushy liberal types spying on these debates).
• Duncan Hunter clocked roughly eight words during the whole thing.
• Creepiest moment of the debate? There were several, but possibly topping them all was Romney’s “I have two guns in my home; they are owned by my son Josh, hnyah hnyah hnyah.” See for yourself (it’s near the end of the clip):
• Second creepiest moment? Tancredo watching his campaign video. It’s like watching him watching a video of himself masturbating. I am so sorry I just put that image in your head.
• I like Fred Thompson’s sense of humor. Too bad he stands for everything I hate. Dude, Roe v. Wade is the No. 1 thing the country needs to tackle? Are you fucking serious, Rich Old White Man?
• I like Ron Paul’s take on a lot of issues, but his skirting the issue on whether a woman should be charged with a crime if she got an abortion (if abortion was to be made illegal) was seriously cowardly. Note to pro-lifers — if you’re going to outlaw something, you HAVE to come up with punishments for those who break the law. Otherwise, STFU. And Mitt Romney saying that Roe v. Wade should be overturned and the abortion decision returned to the states, but that he’d be happy to sign a federal abortion ban nearly made my head asplode.
• Mike Huckabee is kinda hokey when he gets to talkin’ ’bout Jesus, but he had a classic one-liner and was just rhetorically on-point for the most part. I still think he’s being a dumbass about his take on homosexuality and same-sex marriage, but I get that that goes with the Jesus schtick.
• I want to marry Nick Anderson.
• Kudos to the kid who asked the Confederate flag question. I love to watch politicians squirm at this question. It’s essentially a no-win: Say the flag isn’t racist and you will be pilloried as racist. Say it is and you risk losing that tantalizing bloc of hyperdefensive, working-class Southern white dudes that has become convinced that the Left is being run by gays and women who are on the rag. Squirm away, sirs!
Oh, and I think the bit about the two Americas and Romney wanting to throw something at his TV is fucking priceless. Get angry, Mitt! Throw some shit around when you’re reminded than not everyone is as rich and privileged as you are! We’re all in this boat together, except for the schleps who are stuck swimming. (For more on Mitt’s totally clueless perception of the class war, see his response to the question about black-on-black violence.)
• I swear, the Republican take on gay people is damn near cavemanesque. They’re going to boo a man who served for forty-plus years (and is openly gay) because he reminded them that every day, two people are discharged from the service not for misconduct, but for being gay? FUCK THAT. (I can only hope they’re booing the deplorable actions the officer is describing, not the officer himself.)
• Yankees, Sox, blah blah sports-as-metaphor-for-election hooey.
In conclusion, fuck all these assholes.
Huckaboo-boo looks too much like Nixon to be elected. It’s uncanny!
I also thought the part about Romney’s son was hilarious. That’s so creepy. I guess he thought the message would come across as, “I don’t own a gun, but I’m okay with the young and restless owning them.”
Actually, your impressions are pretty close to mine. Romney is the one who scares me, perhaps because my gut tells me he’s the one to beat next year.