We finally, finally, finally, have a pronoun to use for the Heirloom Tomato Formerly Known as Sweet Potato — he’s a he! That’s correct, ladies and germs. There will be a penis inside of me for the next five months. Jealous? Yuk yuk. Can you believe I am going to be someone’s mother? Now the hunt for a name begins in earnest. Before, there was a fifty percent chance I wasn’t going to have to…
I had a hormonal hissy-fit yesterday while making a third batch of test cupcakes. I had piped in the colored filler and was ready to top them all off with the canned frosting I bought a week ago, when I realized the can was deliriously lighter than it had been the last time I had used a mere week ago on my first test batch. The top was messy and full of icing, and I…
Me: my mom is wanting me to have a baby shower in my hometown, and she wants to invite some childhood friends i haven’t seen in 10+ years Nick: nice that’ll be fun for you here’s a plan invite them all of them shove a water balloon up between your legs bust it right when you walk in be all like. oh no my water broke leave your good Me: yes, i’m sure that will…
Sweet merciful manatee of humanity, whatever meager creative spark was left in me after I finished college and joined the corporate workforce has been reignited after seemingly having been extinguished early in this pregnancy (which, I might add, is nearly HALFWAY over, CANYOUBELIEVEIT?!). I say this only because in the past few days I have felt more like doing and creating and writing and sharing than I have in the past four months combined. Let’s…
May 24 heartbeat It really kicks in at :26. Flipper makes an appearance at :35*. *That is Shane McDermott’s joke. I stole it.
I was sitting on the couch, folding towels at around noon thirty yesterday when I got the funniest feeling in my gut: A little bloop feeling, in front, down low. Not where you’d get a gas bubble. I instantly thought, Was that…? I think that was… Oh my god! And then I got all smiley and was in the best mood all day. I didn’t expect it to come so quickly, if that’s indeed what…
I’ll be honest — I’ve had a couple of days now of nagging worry. Tuesday I slipped on a pair of pants that I was unable to button just last week and the dang things fit. I thought maybe it was a fluke so I tried on another pair and sure enough, it fit too. I mean, they fit OK but not awfully comfortably. The same thing happened Wednesday, I don’t know. I find it…
Last night I dreamed that I went to the hospital to deliver my baby, and when the doctor offered me an epidural, I refused it and told him I intended to have the baby without pain medication. He looked at me point blank and said, “Are you retarded?”
The bulge continues to embiggen and I find myself unable to stop touching it and feeling its contours when my mind wanders or I am walking somewhere. What, exactly, is in there? Better yet, who? These questions are as big as the universe right now. This weekend Ray’s mom and my mom and sister came to town to celebrate his graduation. The conversation, naturally, turned to babythings. My sister demanded that I would want an…
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