• The algorithms don’t know what to think. It takes them a while to catch on when you’re newly pregnant and start serving you ads for maternity clothes, but then when your web searches turn darker and more desperate, the algorithms get confused and serve you ads for baby stuff and period panties at the same time. Your feed gets really weird for a few days as the bots try to suss out what you…
Content warning: Graphic descriptions of pregnancy loss We’re looking at a scabby, reddened wound on our dog Sarge’s side — a bite mark from some other moody dog at the park. It’s held together by two small silver staples. Richard looks at it under the light of his cell phone and pronounces that it is healing acceptably. “Injuries heal from the inside out,” he says. “Not from the outside in.” The dog seems fine, as…
I woke up early this morning (Friday) in a wet spot. I usually don’t pee myself in my sleep (or elsewhere) but I knew that sort of thing can happen in pregnancy, so I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. I laid there in bed for a while and noticed an ache in my lower back that felt like a menstrual cramp. It radiated out toward my stomach. Each cramp lasted about a minute…
This week Mom came to visit and went with us to our ultrasound on Monday and then our midwife visit on Tuesday. The ultrasound went well and things are still looking good. The darling progeny’s growth is right on track (he’s leek sized!) and they estimated his weight at 7 pounds, 10 ounces. Cord and placenta are still functioning well, heart rate is good, all his parts seem to be there (especially his ginormous cash…
All righty, then. We are officially full term this week. Wahoo! That means that this kiddo can pop out any time he pleases and he’ll be equipped to make it in this harsh world of ours. Of course, I fully expect him to stay in there a few more weeks and get nice and ripe, but hopefully he won’t overstay his welcome. Let’s be punctual or maybe just fashionably late, baby. But don’t keep us…
The shape of this October is different from all the rest. Already we are nearly halfway in and the leaves are changing, tops of the trees first where they are kissed by sun, cascading down into the shade. Horror movies are on TV and for some reason I found myself watching Saw II the other day even though I’d never seen the first or any other in the series. It wasn’t scary and I didn’t…
The thirty-fifth week seems to be the week that pregnancy forgot. Nothing super special (por ejemplo: “This week your baby has sprouted eyeballs!” or “Your child can now hear you talking dirty to your significant other!”) is listed on the calendars. We don’t even get to make a very exciting fruit-analogy jump. Nope. We just go from cantaloupe to honeydew. Yawn-a-rific. A lot less listeria involved, however. I spent some time in the bathroom the…
SIX WEEKS! We’re rolling right along at the size of a cantaloupe in there. A cantaloupe! One of the funny things about having a boy is that every dang week, the pregnancy calendars tell you something about what the kid’s testicles are doing. I say “testicles” because I nearly wrote “balls” and felt really, really weird about talking about my son’s situation in that way. So I will keep it clinical. What to Expect practically…
Grooooaaaaan. Okay, I can officially say I have enjoyed being pregnant, but I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. My body is big and clumsy and unwieldy and the simple act of getting around is not unlike pushing an overloaded grocery cart with a wonky wheel. Wearing clothes is a real pain in the ass but I feel way too huge to walk around naked very much, and the sight of my stretch marks…
Whoa, this post is three days late! I’ve been super busy prepping for and then manning my Cooper-Young Fest booth. I’ll post about that later. First things first: The progeny is the size of a large jicama this week. I’m sorry, I am from the sticks and have never heard of such a thing. I looked it up and apparently it is a Mexican turnip. Um, so why don’t the pregnancy websites just call it…
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