• Shoving my hand into my purse only to have a bristle from my roundbrush stab me right under my cuticle. • Multiple calls on my cell phone from sugary-sweet ambulance chasers. • Five pounds of holiday weight gain, yeesh. • Coming home to see a dude with multiple big garbage bags strapped to the roof of his not-too-shitty-looking van rooting in the dumpster. • Not being able to cook. • PMS.
[for Friday, Dec. 28] Is there anything more obnoxious than modern toothbrush design? YES. Modern shaving-razor design. It’s too obnoxious to photograph. Women apparently shave with nymph-shaped muse-sticks and men shave with race cars. Bah. Project 365
Well, my hooptie is thismuchcloser to becoming junkyard scrap. Lately it’s been doing this thing where it will shudder violently if I’m idling in drive or reverse, and it will stutter and stammer and act like a prissy toddler that doesn’t want to do what I’m telling it if I’m driving and trying to accelerate the least little bit. The TRAC OFF and SERVICE ENGINE SOON lights have been blinking in a display of holiday…
I was invited to a party tonight, but I’ve ended up frittering away my evening at home, sort of half paying attention to VH1’s “I Love The ’90s” marathon, sipping Korbel, and wrapping the rest of my presents. Man, Patrice Oneal cracks me up. I think I could just sit and listen to him laugh for hours. My cats have probably eaten five feet of sparkly ribbon by now. Note to self: In the future,…
I got off the phone with my mom a little bit ago. She said she had just been talking to my dad a minute earlier as he was driving home from work. She said she had rushed to get off the phone because, as she told him, it was cold and clear so deer were likely to be everywhere, and she didn’t want him to be distracted if one ran out in front of him.…
The other day while on the phone with my dad, he ventured into the treacherous territory of religion and asked me if I even had a Bible in my possession anymore. “I dunno. Maybe? …” I replied sheepishly. If there is one thing in the world I am loath to do, it is disappoint my father. I could tell he was unnerved by the thought. He acknowledged that my faith isn’t what it used to…
[for Tuesday, Nov. 20] Just got back from the grocery. Picked up lots of salad ingredients and fruit and cheese (note: nothing cookable) to take to the parents’ Thursday. Sometimes I wonder if my mother feels like a failure for raising a daughter who can’t cook for shit. Well, she shouldn’t. That’s all on me. I hope my mom will be okay. She’s been fighting a stomach virus of some sort for four days now.…
I met Field Guide today. She brought ice cream to my apartment! And now — don’t tell her — I’m getting her a ferret for Christmas. I also met Howell, he of the Zooey Deschanel/Winona Ryder/girls-who-look-like- they’re-wracked-with-guilt-and-self-doubt infatuation, but his blog is private so I can’t link to it. I love it when I meet online acquaintances and they turn out to be even awesomer than I had imagined.
If the crack that you recently smoked is seeping out of your widened, red, wet eyes so that I can spot you from across the room and know instantly that you’re a crackhead who’s about to say something to me, even if it’s as lovely as, “You got a name to go with that pretty face?” do not be surprised if I laugh, embarrassed, and say, “Ha, no!” because I am merely standing there debating…
My internal clock has been jacked up since I got back from Hawaii. I’m sleeping in too long and staying up too late. This throws everything off. I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks, or the grocery in two. I’ve been really bad to myself lately. Drinking too much and eating lots of crap food. Not exercising. It’s catching up with me. My skin’s been in constant freakout mode. My brain has been…
You must be logged in to post a comment.