I’m back home after a day-plus jaunt to see the family and celebrate the oldest nephew’s birthday. I’m hungry, my flea-ridden animals need a bath, the apartment is — once again — filthy, I’ve got lots of e-mail- and blog-post reading to catch up on, I’ve got about 400 photos from the weekend to process, and I’ve got a few actual posts of my own knocking around in my head that I may actually sit…
Every surface I own is covered in cat hair, ferret hair, my hair, purple fuzz (why is fuzz always purple? I don’t own anything purple that could shed), crumbs, fingernail clippings, junk mail, clothing, feathers, receipts, tissue shreds, newspaper bits, and probably fleas. It also smells like ass in here. I have 45 minutes before I have to get ready for work. Everyone hold hands and send Martha Stewart vibes my way.
1. The new White Stripes album. All you haters can bite me. They’re awesome. 2. Knocked Up. I laughed my ass off. I am having a hard time accepting that Paul Rudd will never be mine. 3. Ignoring the news for three days straight. Seriously, what’s happening out there in the world? Oh wait, nevermind, I don’t care. 4. Cheap German Riesling. I like it sweet and syrupy, like Relax and Funf. I had a…
No, not even close. But it’s a cool meme and I won’t be able to sleep for at least another hour or two, so, yeah. Why not? I stole this from Lesley. It’s Six Weird Things I Do to Go to Sleep or While Sleeping. 1. It’s not weird, but I have to brush my teeth before bed or else I’ll just lie there imagining my teeth rotting, dissolving while I snooze. 2. It’s incredibly…
1. I picked a bodacious scab off my foot just now, much to my relief. I’ve been picking at that thing for weeks and it hadn’t budged. And now that it’s gone, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much when I walk. Score! 2. Tampax Pearl tampons are shockingly awesome, despite their not-so-environmentally-friendly nature. 3. About 95 percent of the calories I consumed today were derived from French Onion dip.
The AC’s back in business, the birds are already rebuilding their nest (the copious amounts of Febreze I sprayed where their nest used to be must not be fazing them; I didn’t have a chance to try out Mike’s ferret urine suggestion, but the idea is definitely in the on-deck circle at this point), Felix just licked up the chocolate pie crumbs on a plate sitting on the coffee table, the kitchen smells like clotted…
Look who’s up at 6 a.m.! Those em-effin’ birds are having a domestic dispute right outside the window. All I can hear is their squabbling. They must be talking about who’s not putting out. Mike suggests I spray some ferret urine water on their nest. Finally, an excuse to use this ferret urine I’ve got stashed around the place. I kid, but in all seriousness, it would probably work. Probably definitely, if I can figure…
• Primitivo is surprisingly a good companion to the pistachios I’ve been addicted to lately. • Some feckless cretin has been using my laundry detergent and it was damn near gone just now when I went downstairs to do two loads. I got ONE load out of it. And I have used it ONCE since I bought it. Grrr. • Those of you playing at home will deduce that this means that I used someone…
Read this. I defy you to stop once you start. I’m on chapter seven and it’s all I can think about. I’d like to add it to my Reader McReadsalot sidebar, but I’ll have to come up with a cool way to display an online novel with no cover art. Hmmm. Seriously, read it.
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