It’s such a weird thing to watch a child acquire language.
When your child is in school full time, he’s picking up all sorts of stuff from teachers as well as the adorable little tykes he’s with all day, on top of the stuff he picks up from you and anyone in your house. So you are never quite sure where some of the stuff comes from. And when he busts out with something hilariously bossy or rude, it’s hard not to react with an incredulous laugh. Which a toddler probably considers the jackpot of parental reactions in most situations.
Here are some things Holden’s been saying lately. I wish I could get this stuff on video so I could preserve the inflection and conviction, which adds a whole other layer of hilarity. But, he is pretty good at shutting down shenanigans as soon as he sees me train a camera or phone on him.
• “O-B-E!” — I have a theory that there must be some song they sing at school where they spell out the word “obey,” which is delightfully Orwellian.
• “Are you OK? I’m OK.” — To people or toys, whenever they might have gotten bumped or jostled.
• “I can’t like it.” — Not I don’t like it, but I can’t like it.
• “The number B!” — He sometimes calls letters numbers and numbers letters, even though he knows all his letters and many numbers backward and forward.
• “Scoot that booty!” — For scooting out of chairs or down stairs.
• “That’s enough!” — For times when he is tired of your drama.
• “ROOOOAAAARRRR!!” — Used when we read books about lions, tigers, sharks or snakes, and used to scare the bejesus out of strangers at restaurants or grocery stores.
• “That is soooo sad.” — Proclaimed when he sees pictures of people or animals not looking very happy, or when we pretend to scare off monsters and lions.
• “Come back here!” — To be said to someone who is walking away in his view prematurely, or to poop making a getaway down the toilet.
• “Wait on meeeee!” — To be wailed to any parent figure who might take two steps away from him when he’s feeling like an integral part of the mission.
• “Put it in your pocket!” — About your mobile device when he wants your undivided attention.
• “Stop it, mama!” This is usually accompanied by a threatening finger point, followed by a time-out, because oh hell no.