Apparently if nature throws us a mild-and-rainy summer bone, it means an uptick in the spider population. Which means the outside of our house is constantly draped in spider webs, and I am forever running into them and freaking the hell out.
The other night I got a ride home from work and was be-bopping my way toward the front door up the walkway — which I hardly ever do because usually I come in through the back — when I ran smack into a huge web and made eye contact with its tenant. I screamed and shouted obscenities but mercifully did not actually get entangled in the web or touch the spider.
I try to be cool with these guys because I know they eat mosquitoes — my true and reason-based nature nemesis — but what I can’t hang with is the fact that they are always spinning their damn webs RIGHT WHERE I NEED TO WALK and doing so in a way that makes them DAMN NEAR INVISIBLE TO MY WANDERING HUMAN EYE. For example, all over the dang porch and between my car and the house, just out of the reach of the right angle of light that would illuminate them to me.
Holden has no innate fear of these beasts so when he sees me flip out, he gets pretty amused. Also, he is eventually going to utter one hell of a vulgar sentence one of these days because he has seen me flip out over spiders so much this summer.
Now I must leave you with this: