I’m no good at being social anymore. Last night I went to a cookout and struggled with my own crushing awkwardness all night, unsure of what to talk about with the people I have known for a long time. Maybe it’s the sobriety but I feel like a fucking drag, like my presence is too heavy and kind of rude to bring into what’s supposed to be an atmosphere with levity.
The other night I got a text from an old friend, asking me what I was up to, and I thought initially he had texted me by accident. I’ve been holed up a long time, I guess, and I know it’s only temporary but it’s a tough pill to swallow, feeling like I should keep to myself but knowing that’s an awful cycle to get into and stay in.
Well, I for one totally enjoyed talking to you and didn’t notice this crushing awkwardness of which you speak, so hopefully that will be of some comfort.