I hate/love nature memories relationships

The last days of Ditchcat

I started smelling it on Wednesday, at first in quick bursts when the wind blew: The sour, thick stench of death somewhere in the yard. I was down by the driveway gate, putting a trash bag in the bin, and I noticed it and thought ew, something smells dead and got on with my business. The next day, I smelled it again. I was on the deck, watering plants, and it hit me like a…

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memories the family

Bad memory

My sister once convinced me to eat a crabapple from this tree in my grandmother’s yard. She told me it would taste good and I believed everything my big sister said. It did not taste good. It was remarkably terrible, actually. That’s not the bad memory I’m referring to, though. That’s one of many stories of her pranking me throughout my youth. The crabapple, the red onion she told me was red cabbage, the hot…

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dreams memories why am I telling you this?

Boo

I wanted to write something about ghosts. Something about how when they show up in your dreams they steal rest from you all night long. Not the kinds of ghosts that wear sheets and chains or the kinds of spectral presences that populate spooky stories. I’m talking about the kind of ghosts that used to live large in your life but that you killed off, metaphorically speaking, so you could move on. About how when…

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memories

Making a break

I once made a bindle and ran away from home up this road. I don’t remember what awful domestic injustice led to this action, or which cartoon convinced me I needed an actual bandana-tied-to-a-stick bindle to carry my things. I think I was around 6 or 7 and the day was waning but I started the trek up the gravel road next to our old house, toward the hog barn and grain bin, completely unsure…

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music

‘What is what I need’

I forgot I had this song on my iPod and then I remembered it and now I can’t stop playing it. If you and I ever find ourselves on a couples quiz show together, and the question is “What is Lindsey’s favorite Nirvana song?”, you are going to to have to flip a coin and guess either this or “Lounge Act.” Depending on my mood and the placement of the moon in the sky and…

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friends

Gaps

Now when I see old friends and I get half an hour, an hour, maybe almost two hours with them, I can’t catch them up. There’s so much that’s happened that I’ve not had the time or the chutzpah to pass along in real time. Things I’ve kept to myself (what a concept), things I’ve hoarded, things I’ve protected, things I’ve squirreled away, things not meriting an incremental update. When I try to give the…

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music

‘If there’s a taste in this life more inviting…’

Last night, thanks to a totally unexpected and completely solid move by my friend Ed, I got to see one of my favorite bands of all time perform live, long after I had resigned to never being able to do that. I had to leave work early and haul ass three-and-some-odd hours down the interstate to get there in time, but I did and it was incredible. I got to see some old friends and…

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