I started smelling it on Wednesday, at first in quick bursts when the wind blew: The sour, thick stench of death somewhere in the yard. I was down by the driveway gate, putting a trash bag in the bin, and I noticed it and thought ew, something smells dead and got on with my business. The next day, I smelled it again. I was on the deck, watering plants, and it hit me like a…
Richard, It has been one year since we married. I am grateful every day for how easy it is to love you. How having a family and a home with you feels at every moment like the right, best thing I could do. I am surprised every day by how easily you smile at me in the morning, in the afternoon, at night in the dark before we fall sleep. How you say sweet things…
I need to say this right now: I am happy. I am grateful. I am in love and working hard and creating and thinking and striving and questioning and all the things that make me feel real and human and in progress. I don’t have doubts about the big questions in my life. Once upon a time I feared that I would never love or be loved. I am lucky that I have found someone…
I’m getting married. You hear me? Married. MARRIED! I’m not sure I ever really believed I’d do such a thing. Once upon a time I was in high school when marriage was entirely abstract and I had dreams about Husbands and Children but in reality I knew I had to go to college and do some other shit first so it was a nice thought but nothing too pressing. And then some boys told me…
It’s hard to think about without wincing but sometimes my mind wanders and I think of the stupid things I’ve done to get men to love me. How I’ve shushed that voice inside me that protested. How I’ve talked my way around it. How I knew going in that it was a bad idea but how I convinced myself that no matter what at least I’d get a good story out of it. It’s always…
“Love is friendship on fire.” I read that somewhere once, many years ago. Actually, I read the French translation, “L’amour est l’amitie sur le feu,” and thought it sounded so wonderful that I jotted it down and kept it in my metaphorical pocket. It sounded nice, like something I’d like to try some day. I was right. Through some magical combination of dumb luck and brilliant dating-site algorithms, I now get to spend my life…
My mom said something to me a few months ago, right after I had made the leap to move into my own place and try to start a new, better life. She said, “Linz, you don’t know what it’s like to have a man love you. You’ve not had it yet. When it happens, though, you’ll know it.” She said it with frustration. Not toward me, but toward all the men in the world who’ve…
You probably would expect to see a tumbleweed roll through here before you’d expect to see an actual, substantive post from me. That’s fair. However, I want to stop and take note of something. It’s this weird feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. I almost hesitate to acknowledge it publicly for fear that speaking it to the Universe will prompt its evaporation. Poof. Gone just as quickly as it appeared. But I’m going…
People who give their partner the cold shoulder — deliberately ignoring the partner or responding minimally — damage the relationship by making their partner feel worthless and invisible, as if they’re not there, not valued. And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner’s ability to fight off viruses and cancers. Being mean is the death knell of relationships.…
Mere minutes from noon. I’ve finished my breakfast — scrambled eggs (with gouda!) and biscuits and coffee. I only get a few cups a week so I’ve decided to have them at home, where we use a grinder and a French press. I don’t care if it’s pretentious; it tastes infinitely better than the reheated Maxwell House sludge I end up with at work. Been feeling pretty crummy lately in the head region. Of course…
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