While hiking up Lookout Mountain last year, Nick Fowler and I for some reason started talking about black-eyed Susans and how they got their name. We pretty much settled on the only possibility that made sense to us at the time: That the black-eyed Susan was a flower insensitively and macabrely named for a domestic violence altercation of yore. That is not true, the internet tells me, and I am quite relieved. Anyway, I have…
Me: my mom is wanting me to have a baby shower in my hometown, and she wants to invite some childhood friends i haven’t seen in 10+ years Nick: nice that’ll be fun for you here’s a plan invite them all of them shove a water balloon up between your legs bust it right when you walk in be all like. oh no my water broke leave your good Me: yes, i’m sure that will…
There was a point within the first ten minutes of Nick’s and my hike up Lookout Mountain Monday morning where I honest to shit thought I was going to die. This is mostly because I am dismally out of shape and unaccustomed to coaxing my body to do much more than stand, sit, and — if I’m lucky — writhe a little every day. Suddenly I was using obscure leg muscles to propel myself…
Nick: i took a nap now i’m up tallking to the mom her dentist yanked her widsom teeth along time ago apparntly that sounds unpleasant me: eeesh, yeah Nick: gonna try eating ice cream again last time it came up in a bloody vomit mess me: is that true? ahahah i mean, sorry Nick: it was right after i got home and i was supposed to take a lortab and the note said to take…
Me: will you be my life coach in 2010? i need to turn this ship around. Nick: you and me we’re like cavier, it takes a refined pallette and a sense of self importance to choke us down and pretend we taste good hmmm thats not a good metaphor
Nick: i need some scotch gotta drink some for teddy me: you’re supposed to pour it out not drink it although … that is wasteful i’m having red wine. would he approve? Nick: kennedy wouldn’t want it poured yeah me: that’s what i thought Nick: also, if you could die in a river he’s down with that me: that would be helpful, i guess too soon, nice *nick not nice *nick Nick: meh me: i’m…
Nick: i’m working on my craigslist add *ad me: for NSA sexy time? Nick: for my drinking partner to replace morgan me: oh right i want to read it! Nick: http://chattanooga.craigslist.org/stp/1123115465.html me: hahahahaha that’s fantastic Nick: let’s see if anyone bite s me: god, they better Nick: probably just fat girls me: well you need to learn to appreciate fat chicks because they are generally very funny Nick: yeah i’ll settle for a fat girl…
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