Day two

This Christmas, surprise the one you love with this beautiful “Humping Bear” figurine.

Today was quite a bit better than yesterday. Because it had to be, I guess.

We got a late start but ended up frittering away several hours in Gatlinburg proper, milling around, wandering in and out of shops, and getting rained on. A lot. We’re a slow-moving bunch, for sure. Mom is hobbling around because both her feet are in orthopedic boots (she’s had surgery on both feet this year), and her hip is giving her fits. Dad hobbles too; he just had knee surgery two weeks ago, and said his hip is acting up too. Grandmaw has an old knee injury that slows her down, and she gets out of breath easily. And me? Well, I just like moving slow enough so that no one ever really sees me in motion. BECAUSE I’M A NINJA.

I’m broke right now and not the world’s biggest shopper anyway, so I didn’t go as nuts as I might have in a different life, under different, more despicably wealthy circumstances, but I did really enjoy seeing the town and its weird little tourist traps decked out in Christmas lights. Holy god, there is not a surface in this city that hasn’t been draped in something sparkly or glowing or both. It’s so deliciously tacky that my head is threatening to explode.

One of the strangest haunts here is that Mountain Mall place. It’s tiny and it has the weirdest stores in it. An entire store devoted to Case International memorabilia? An entire store dedicated to chintzy dog and cat items? An entire store that stocks nothing but turtle-related trinkets? Really? Yes. Really. Oh, and it features a really hideous rusted-metal-and-busted-wood water feature. If you like, you can throw your spare change into the dirty water and make a wish.

I won’t tell you what to wish for.

Okay, I am completely exhausted and can’t even finish the thoughts that are buzzing around in my brain. Actually, they’re not buzzing right now; they’re doing something more akin to flopping. Nor will I be processing the rest of today’s 300 photos tonight. Tomorrow I think we’re going to actually pay some attention to these great big mountains and not the cheap crap from China that’s being sold all over it.