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Look what happens when I turn my back on you, Internet

by theogeo

I’ve been struggling with sour soul lately, so I did a little bit of unplugging, including from Twitter, and what happens? Last night I get a notification that my mother is now following me.

That flash you just saw? That was the illusion that I am not a foul-mouthed, drunken degenerate taking to the sky with pigs.

So, Internet, welcome my mother to Twitter. She has three followers right now: Me, my sister, and “Britney Fuck Vids,” whose avatar is a woman giving a BJ (N very SFW).

You stay classy, Internet.

6 thoughts on “Look what happens when I turn my back on you, Internet”

  1. My worst nightmare is my mother getting on Facebook. She mentioned Facebook the other day, and I immediately started wondering if I could decline her friend request. Thankfully, she’s not technologically advanced enough for Twitter.

    I’m so mean, but I don’t want “I love you Megan” or “Wow, you’re drinking again” comments from my mother.

  2. My ex-father-in-law, arch-conservative big shot in his Pentecostal Church, follows me. Although after his daughter left me to become pursue her fantasies of lesbian ecstasy and bohemian bliss, I don’t think anything I write could be all that shocking to him–even the outright fictions are pretty tame.

    Also, I don’t think he ever actually reads it–he’s been on for months now and hasn’t written a thing.

  4. Funny, I’ve been taking a break from tweeting, too, but now that your pretty mama is on board, I’m all over it. Following.. NOW.

  5. @Megan
    My mom’s now on Facebook, Flickr, AND Twitter. The only thing I think she doesn’t read is this blog. BUT THEN AGAIN SHE MIGHT! Here’s hoping your mom holds out as long as possible.

    @fancycwabs
    Yeah, I think you’re in the clear to push the envelope as much as possible wrt the ex-FIL. (But you should not take life advice from me. Ever. )

    @Leslie
    Awesome! Here’s hoping she will update. She could actually be really good at Twitter if she doesn’t totally forget about it.

  6. Living your life in order to get the approval of others (an altogether different thing from doing good for other people, or making other people happy) ultimately costs you your soul.

    I try to spare my actual parents the gruesome details, as Mom can be overbearing (she asked if I had a girlfriend on the horizon while I was still legally married, though officially separated–I think the facepalm was hard enough to leave a mark). I guess you know as well as I do what it’s like to have a parent who thinks the key to happiness lies in a partner, instead of a life.

    Ex-FIL, on the other hand, is a different story. While going out of my way to make trouble for my ex-wife would be bitter and vindictive (and some would argue justified), when it comes down to it she will always be his daughter, and he’ll love her in spite of her sins (just as I did). That said, I’m not gonna mind my P’s and Q’s on Twitter for his sake.

    I’d have more trouble if, say, my employer started following me–that would cause immediate lockdown and a vast follower purge.

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