[It buzzes like a fridge]

There is so much bad TV that I was missing. And the commercials? Shameless, the whole lot. So far the only redeeming channel I’ve found is VHI ’80s. I can’t get enough. Yesterday I rolled in the floor as “Everybody Walk the Dinosaur” was on. I remember that video from the Disney channel. But it’s completely inappropriate for a kids’ network. Not only does it jumble the facts about dinosaurs themselves, but it’s got these ’80s model types prancing around in skimpy caveman loincloths, giggling their jelly. Isn’t it uncanny how every video from the ’80s induces a cringe because of its overwhelming corniness? What were we thinking? But, also, the ’80s rule, because they do not care what you think of them.

I’ve stopped taking the antibiotics prescribed by my dermatologist because … well … antibiotics kill off all the bacteria in your body and a girl’s got to have a little bacteria handy to keep the nether regions from acting a fool. Too much information? You came here to know what’s up in my life, so BAM! Guess I showed you! Seriously, though, when it comes down to choosing between hormone-induced 20-something acne and a fiery crotch, what are you going to choose? God, my life is an open blog.

Chrissy’s dad had a heart attack yesterday, but he’s better today. All his arteries were fine except for one that was 100 percent blocked. She said he flatlined but they brought him back. Now he has to quit smoking. He was lighting one up when it hit him, so perhaps he’ll consider this a second chance. And maybe it will inspire Billy to kick his pack-of-Black-and-Milds-a-day habit.