[for Friday, Sept. 7]
There’s a lot I want to say, but I don’t know where to start. There’s a lot I need to say, to get it written down, because writing it down helps make it real, helps it dissolve into the ether that is life.
For a long time, I have wanted my life to change. And now everything has changed. Everything. This is a situation of my making. And I’m having a hard time handling it. Predictable. But just because I knew badness was coming doesn’t make it any easier to digest. I understand that the badness is necessary. It’s part of the process. But I hate how it takes hold of my core and makes it hard for me to breathe sometimes.
There’s hope, too. But it plays hide-and-seek with me.
I’m trying to be a grown-up about all this. But I am such a fucking child.
I love the tags on this post. And agree with the sentiment.
*pat on the back*
I have been where you are, with that struggle to breathe and that feeling of being kicked in the gut. I know it sucks, and I hate it for you. I know you will make peace with it sooner than I did, and firmly believe you will be a thousand times more “adultlike” than I could ever hope to be.
Meanwhile, my inner child is offering you a Mello Yello and a hunk of mac ‘n’ cheese on a nacho cheese Dorito.