How long should I keep this going?

I was alerted to this nugget of forced hilarity over at Knoxville Metropulse yesterday. I was a flaming bitch on wheels yesterday, so reading that really, really annoyed me. Like, more than most things — like breathing and blinking — annoy me. And I have mostly grown out of that phase where I like to argue with people on the internet (save the occasional passive-aggressive rant about drunk bitches from Virginia), so I shocked even myself when I sent the author, Charles Maldonado, a message via the Metropulse website. After all, Charles seems like a hip, funny kid. He’s pixelated! He can probably bullshit his way through a definition of “post-modern” with the best of ’em. I’d probably buy his snarky ass a beer had we met under different circumstances.

But Thursday night I found myself sending this to him:

Hi Charles,

I read your police blotter item about ferrets and thought it was really mean. I usually don’t write to people expressly to tell them they’re assholes, because who has the time? But I felt really compelled to this time. So: You’re an asshole.

Cheers,
Lindsey

So this afternoon, Charles replied thusly:

Lindsey,
Your letter warmed my heart. To think that someone would take time (out of what I assume to be a busy schedule) to defend such a disgusting animal as a ferret is really wonderful. Are you a ferret owner or just a ferret enthusiast?

I guess this could simply be a case of diverging olfactory opinions. Do you also enjoy the smell of stale perspiration or burning tires? I do not.

Yours always,
Charles

Ha. Haha.

I was going to just let it go, but since he made me laugh, I had to at least let him know I appreciated that.

Charles,

Your note made me laugh, so I will say simply this: Touché, motherfucker.

Also, it’s refreshing to see a columnist so unabashedly willing to follow in the comedy footsteps of Carlos Mencia. He’s hilarious!

Still chortling,
Lindsey

I await a reply from my sweet, sweet Prince of Snark.