Video games are the closest thing to crack that I can imagine. I could abandon all hobbies, cease all social interaction, and never leave the house. I’m certain of it. So, I’ve tried to limit my exposure. I have a ton of other hobbies, and a family! I must keep these devil pixels at arm’s length so I can live my life! Get away, pretty devil pixels! The past year or so I’ve played a…
“You have a lot of scars.” My son is standing next to me as I’m sitting on a truck-stop toilet, my pants bunched around my knees. He’s looking at my thigh. It’s extra pale in the fluorescent light. He is six years old and does not know what cellulite is, what ingrown hairs are — only that his mother’s legs are dimpled and marked in ways that his own skin, smooth and caramel colored, is…
Some day you’ll be thirty-seven and you’ll have this amazing, eclectic collection of friends all around the country. People who, even if it’s been months or years since you’ve seen them, always seem to feel like home when they come around. You’ll be lucky, you know. But you’ll need to make more friends, specific friends — the kind who have children who go to the same school as your kid, who are in the same…
The abortion didn’t hurt but the three weeks after it did. It was a low ache down deep in my belly, pressurized. I wore dresses to work so I wouldn’t have to button any pants. I was tired. Two weeks after, I was on a plane to Syracuse to judge an international news-design competition. No one knew. I didn’t tell my parents. I didn’t tell my friends. It was between my boyfriend and me. It…
I got a dead pixel recently. I was driving R and H somewhere and I saw it there, just north of my center of vision in my left eye. It was like a speck of dust, but hard around the edges. A pinprick in the sky. I looked left, it went left. Up, it went up. Down, down. Two years ago I learned that the squiggly little translucent worms that move across my vision at…
Before you have children, you think, I won’t be one of those parents who uses fear and coercion to control my children’s behavior. Guess what, pal. You’re wrong! You’ll use whatever desperate tactics your exhausted lizard brain can muster in whatever theatre of parenting war you’re enduring at any given moment. And guess what the native tongue of your lizard brain is. That’s right, you pitiful, clueless dolt: Fear. My child convinced me right before…
This morning we learned that Richard’s father is in the hospital and has been for several days. His stepmother went to the ER today, too, and is being admitted, as soon as a bed comes open. They both have the flu, and his father has pneumonia and sepsis and a UTI on top of that. He was in the ICU for a couple of days before being moved to a regular room yesterday. Richard and…
Without any prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. Holden, 7 years old: 1. What is something mom always says to you? Bonk. 2. What makes mom happy? Flushing the toilet and wiping my butt and washing my hands. 3. What makes mom sad? When I call you stupid. 4. How does your mom make you laugh? You fart. 5. What was your mom like as a child? I…
This year was busy! It’s been a very creative year, I think. It’s funny how from day to day it can feel like nothing’s happening, but when you look in the aggregate, you see that there was indeed a lot going on. What’s that saying — the days are long but the years are short? Jesus, it’s true. It’s the most true cliché there is. What did I get up to creatively this year? •…
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