When I was a kid I thought Labor Day was the day all the babies were born. Except me. Because, you know, I was born on Jesus’ birthday instead. Let’s all join hands and send these positive directives into the universe: Do not use the word “hate” when you mean “hatred.” Do not use the word “impact” when you mean “affect.” Do not say “regime” when you mean “regimen.” I just wrote a long diatribe…
Another big milestone. We’re just ten weeks away, give or take, from meeting the little man. This week he’s comparable in size to a head of cabbage. He’s slated to gain half a pound a week here on out, and he’s supposedly losing his adorable fur coat. His movements in there are so interesting. Sometimes they’ll be spastic, like a collection of shudders and shakes. Occasionally I will feel what seems initially like I have…
And that’s because she spazzed out and made some sick-looking movements, I guess because a grasshopper nearly got caught in the web. Dumbass. Anyway, this spider has been living just outside my front door, suspended between the coral bells and the lavender mums, for weeks now. I have left her alone. She lives just below my porch light so I imagine she eats pretty well. She has a companion of sorts (a kid?) who appears…
I am in love with a face that I’ve never even met. I got to see it again, sort of, Tuesday afternoon. Here’s a picture, with a helpful annotated guide in case you can’t tell what’s going on. He’s a champion scowler already. I love it. He comes from solid scowling stock, so that makes perfect sense. We saw him wiggle a little bit, and he lobbed a good punch at the tech’s wand. He…
I just drove all the way downtown to a stretch I have been wanting to photograph for two weeks, only to drive right past it, scowl at how the setting sun was backlighting it, and then come back home, grumbling about how I sure hope my child is talented because I am a hack who will never make art again, blah blah blaaaah. And now I’m in my underwear eating cereal and confessing this to…
Yesterday’s visit with the midwife brought lots of good news I didn’t expect: I passed my glucose screening so I am officially not diabetic. I’m also not anemic. No swelling. Appropriate weight gain. Yay nutrition! Plus I got a nice discount off my bill because of a bartering arrangement we worked out and because my midwife is a badass in general. Baby butternut squash has maneuvered his way into a mostly head-down position, with his…
We watched The Lincoln Lawyer the other night and now Ray wants to work out of the back of a car. He decided it’d be the perfect opportunity to use a tagline — “The lawyer who comes to YOU!” I suggested that the forgo a car altogether and just get an unmarked white van. I’m here to help.
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