Internet, let me tell you a thing my two-year-old has done three times now in the past couple of weeks. The first time he did it, it was funny but I figured he was being sincere. The second time, it was funny and I thought it was a cute repeat. The third time, I realized this kid is yanking my chain. He will fart audibly, and then get super wide-eyed and look at me and…
Someone(s) in Memphis have a new site and I just found out about it a few minutes ago but I’ve already decided it’s the best thing ever and I even submitted a story (!!!). It’s called I Showered for Nothing and it’s transcendent. If I don’t already know who’s behind it, I definitely want to meet who’s behind it.
I just described the scent of my detergent as “fairly straightforward.”
Such as: Why do soap dishes get dirty?
And I would not feel a shred of shame. Update: I’m serious. I can’t stop.
Hi Neighbor, Just a friendly request to PLEASE PUT THOSE LEAVES BACK ON THE TREES WHERE THEY BELONG, AND STOP LEAVING THEM ON THE CURB.
Me: What are we doing tonight? Boyfriend: Partying hard…ying. Me: Where? Boyfriend: … Applebees.
… is changing a tampon while watching an episode of “Dexter.”
I have some hack-and-slash Photoshoppery for you: I hope no one else beat me to it, but that whole collective consciousness thing leads me to believe someone probably did.
Manfred, via text message: You’re all I think about unless I have to pee. Then I think about that.
You must be logged in to post a comment.