In the shower, attempting to shave your legs, which are spotted liberally with the obligatory summertime mosquito-bite and chigger scabs, while wearing no corrective lenses (provided your sight is as craptastic as mine). Woo-wee. Slow and steady wins the race, I’ve found.
If you have a weak stomach or prefer to think of me as an entity with no bodily functions, you might want to skip this post. I made it 45 whole minutes at work today before having to duck out. I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I’ve been feeling pukey all day. First person to shout “preggers!” in his or her mind automatically assumes partial responsibility for the enormous child-support burden I will endure…
So, last month’s round of PMS was brutal. Bruuuutal. It ranked among the top five lowest periods (no pun intended, okay maybe a little) of my life. No shit. But this month I seemed to have cruised right past PMS altogether. Yay, mostly. But still. These inconsistencies sometimes make me feel like my body’s doing things behind my back.
Sometimes, Memphis and I get along like an abusive lover and a masochist. This city will kick you when you’re down and then help you up and wipe the blood and spit off your chin. You have to question your sanity when you end up defending the city to everyone you know when they put it down, even when you know Memphis can be really bad for you. You think about leaving it, but you…
Clerk at Tip-Top Liquors as I placed two cold bottles of sparkling wine on the counter: Throwing a small party? Me: Ha, yeah. Kind of.
One of my very favorite things to do when bored is read the Craigslist “casual encounters” section (of lots of different cities to chuckle at the colloquialisms) and get my laugh on at all the creative ways people ask strangers on the internet to have sex with them. Often the entries with photos are quite hilarious. Just now I was laughing at a photo of a man’s junk measured up next to a soda can…
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