• babies can sleep soundly with their heads at 90-degree angles from their bodies, but they scream in agony the instant you take them out of the bath tub because of the slight change in temperature?
• I am 30, a homeowner, and a parent, but I feel most like an actual adult those times when a light bulb goes out and I know I’ve got a backup bulb stashed away?
• the women on the network morning shows dress in tiny tiny tiny dresses year-round, even when it’s cold out? And hooker heels?
• Google is fucking up my world? I mean, I know they’re allowed to and I never really thought the “Don’t be evil” thing would hold sway forever. But still. Why can’t they just chill with the stupid? Who is in charge over there right now who’s making these Facebookesque decisions?
• people post text-heavy shit on Pinterest? It’s a visual pin board. If you want to bookmark text posts, use that handy “bookmark” feature on your browser.
• It’s nearly February and I haven’t worn a single sweater this entire winter? WHAT IS WITH THIS WEATHER?
• I bought a house that isn’t in walking distance to any restaurants or grocery stores? There’s a corner store a couple of blocks to the west, but some dude was shot and killed in that area a few days ago. Besides, all they have is crap food anyway.
• I look even more supersized now than I did when I was nine months pregnant, despite having lost 10 pounds (during birth) and breastfeeding around the clock?
• my feet are constantly getting mangled from unseen pieces of glass or wooden splinters that apparently litter the kitchen floor, no matter how often I sweep?
• Mitt Romney is allowed to call Barack Obama “detached from reality” without the entire country collectively laughing in his face and then ignoring him for the rest of the year?
• my dad has an epic mancrush on Newt Gingrich? He has really liked him for as long as I can remember. I don’t think they would get along in real life.