One year

Richard,

It has been one year since we married.

I am grateful every day for how easy it is to love you. How having a family and a home with you feels at every moment like the right, best thing I could do.

I am surprised every day by how easily you smile at me in the morning, in the afternoon, at night in the dark before we fall sleep. How you say sweet things to me, how you give me pep talks, how you tell me you love me even at Peak Me. Especially at Peak Me. How you let me take over a room (or two) with a crazy project (or three) and never once complain to me.

I am proud of us both for respecting each other and using honesty and grace to address one another, even when it’s difficult. I am proud of us both for making each other laugh. I am proud of us both for holding up our vows and high-fiving each other during our triumphs, big and small.

I’ve said this before, but one of the best things about being with you is how you make me want to be a better person. I see how you are with people, how you leap to help, how you hustle to do the right thing, how you step up, how you try to set people at ease. You make it easier for me to push out of my shell. You inspire me to reexamine, rethink. You make me think about ways I can make more of a positive difference.

You’re a fantastic partner and co-parent. I am so happy with how you and Holden have forged a bond these past few years. Your patience, playfulness, firmness — I am grateful for your help getting that boy grown. He is a big personality in need of a lot of structure and guidance and love and you have poured yourself into this project with me entirely.

I’m so grateful for your support and how strongly you stand by me. In the first several months of knowing me, you had to watch me go through a truly wrenching custody battle. You stood firm, let me cry, let me bitch and moan, and offered unwavering support and very much needed distraction as the process went on and on and shredded my confidence. The second year of our relationship, I had major surgery and other scary medical issues and you stood by me, doled out my meds, did the heavy lifting, and made me comfortable. You even set about making a new home for us in anticipation of our future together. The first year of our marriage, I dealt with major work BS, got laid off, and have gone through an extended existential crisis about who I am and what I’m meant to do with my life. You’ve been there beside me, still, telling me to find what makes me happy and to not be scared about going after it. (As long as it has health insurance; you’re very smart and practical too.) Never in my life have I liked to lean on people, much less any one person. It’s the pride and the stubbornness, see. But you aren’t racking up favors or keeping score. You are my partner, and asking for help and giving help in return is one of our love languages.

I didn’t even know that was possible. It has made all the difference.

Things in the country seem especially dark right now. It has helped keep me going, keep me fighting the darkness, to have you by my side.

You and I are just getting started. That’s the exciting part of getting married that still hasn’t worn off.

Thank you for this first amazing year.

You are the best. The best.