I lovehate the internet. On the one hand, in ye golden olden days, my midwife would have uttered the words “echogenic bowel” to me and I would have had to carve out some time between milking the cows and hanging the pig guts to walk uphill both ways toward a library, inside which I’d pore over medical books carefully in dusty, neglected library aisles, wondering what the densely packed terms actually meant. And worrying. On…
We finally, finally, finally, have a pronoun to use for the Heirloom Tomato Formerly Known as Sweet Potato — he’s a he! That’s correct, ladies and germs. There will be a penis inside of me for the next five months. Jealous? Yuk yuk. Can you believe I am going to be someone’s mother? Now the hunt for a name begins in earnest. Before, there was a fifty percent chance I wasn’t going to have to…
I had a hormonal hissy-fit yesterday while making a third batch of test cupcakes. I had piped in the colored filler and was ready to top them all off with the canned frosting I bought a week ago, when I realized the can was deliriously lighter than it had been the last time I had used a mere week ago on my first test batch. The top was messy and full of icing, and I…
Lazy Saturday before work. I made a test batch of sex-reveal cupcakes (note: get chocolate cake mix instead of yellow, and find something much lighter and tastier than sour Mike and Ike’s pieces for the inside) and opened mail to find out that my insurance has rejected my out-of-network exception request for my midwife. That seriously sucks. Their reason for the rejection is that those services are already provided within network. If they’re talking about…
Me: my mom is wanting me to have a baby shower in my hometown, and she wants to invite some childhood friends i haven’t seen in 10+ years Nick: nice that’ll be fun for you here’s a plan invite them all of them shove a water balloon up between your legs bust it right when you walk in be all like. oh no my water broke leave your good Me: yes, i’m sure that will…
Sweet merciful manatee of humanity, whatever meager creative spark was left in me after I finished college and joined the corporate workforce has been reignited after seemingly having been extinguished early in this pregnancy (which, I might add, is nearly HALFWAY over, CANYOUBELIEVEIT?!). I say this only because in the past few days I have felt more like doing and creating and writing and sharing than I have in the past four months combined. Let’s…
Well, I’m late posting this, but I’ve been slightly preoccupied. Yow. I can’t even think. I’m actually posting this from my bed with an iPad, if that tells you how out-of-whack my head is right now. My little navel orange has morphed into an avocado this week. That’s weird because around here, navel oranges tend to run bigger than avocados. So, well, whatevs. I don’t have my nifty “wacky physiological things that are happening to…
May 24 heartbeat It really kicks in at :26. Flipper makes an appearance at :35*. *That is Shane McDermott’s joke. I stole it.
I was sitting on the couch, folding towels at around noon thirty yesterday when I got the funniest feeling in my gut: A little bloop feeling, in front, down low. Not where you’d get a gas bubble. I instantly thought, Was that…? I think that was… Oh my god! And then I got all smiley and was in the best mood all day. I didn’t expect it to come so quickly, if that’s indeed what…
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