I pet-sat today for Phil, who went out of town for the weekend. His roommate, who usually does the pet-sitting, is currently in New York City, auditioning for some band that’s been in an iPod commercial or some shit. Ya rly. Anyway, it was cool getting to let myself in the house to play with the animals. Of course we all remember Sir Howard the Lap-Bound and King Felix, but another ball of fur has been added to the pack: Ms. Loretta.
The story behind Loretta is kind of crazy, and not really mine to tell, so I can’t get too specific, but I will anyway. The vet clinic we used to go to called Phil up and said that some lady had dropped off her ferret there to be euthanized, and that there was nothing wrong with said ferret (named “Mr. Chips”), and would Phil be interested in adopting the ferret so as to spare it an untimely death? Phil visited with Mr. Chips and fell in love and brought Mr. Chips home and christened him “Loretta,” since he’s actually a she (this might be indicative of how ferret-tarded Eastgate is, since they couldn’t even determine the right fucking gender) and then introduced her to Felix, who doesn’t much care for youngstuff. I wouldn’t say that they don’t get along, but I also wouldn’t say that they do.
Loretta came with a bag full of toys and a handwritten page of very specific instructions. She prefers a certain shampoo, she gets as much paste as she wants, she likes to play with a specific set of shiny rocks. Etc. Except that kind of shit doesn’t phly in Phil’s household, so she’s getting used to being around Felix and Howey and not having to take as many baths, and she seems to be acclimating quite nicely. She’s feisty and vocal and likes to nibble a little too much. Obviously, I like her very much.
Meet Loretta from Lindsey Turner on Vimeo.
I really don’t have any comment on Loretta, except that she’s cute and sassy and brings to mind a story my mom told me recently that I never knew. We had a stray dog come round the house and it wouldn’t go away, it was breaking in and was scared of storms. We were leaving on a three-week vacation and Mom didn’t want to leave the dog there; the neighbors couldn’t take it so Mom just took it down to the vet and had it put down. The vet people kinda said Uh, there’s nothing wrong with this dog, but there was nothing Mom could do at that point. She felt terrible about it and obviously remembers it to this day … 35 years later.
Awww, Loretta is quite springy. I’m glad she was saved by Phil from needless death.
Oh, good to see felix getting out and about.
Is it so wrong that I want to pick them BOTH up and gently fling them onto something soft and puffy, like that lovely quilt, just to watch the ensuing fracas?
I also now have “Get Back” stuck in my head, thanks to the lovely Loretta, in her high-heeled shoes and her low-necked sweata. That Loretta had some gender-identity problems, too, didn’t she? But she wasn’t nearly as bendy as This Loretta.
By the way, the “handwritten page of very specific instructions” was not written by her person. SHE wrote it. It’s hard to train good staff these days.
Kiss Good King Felix for us and reassure him that the feisty new chick means him no harm. She just wants some lurve. And Ferret Treats.
Felix looks like, “Oh my god, will you please get that bouncy bouncy springy springy thing away from me…..?!?!?!”
Horrifically cute, both of ’em.