Me: my mom is wanting me to have a baby shower in my hometown, and she wants to invite some childhood friends i haven’t seen in 10+ years
Nick: nice
that’ll be fun for you
here’s a plan
invite them
all of them
shove a water balloon up between your legs
bust it right when you walk in
be all like. oh no my water broke
leave
your good
Me: yes, i’m sure that will be the end of that
Nick: fill it with cherry koolaid to really freak everyone out
me: i’m revoking your license
Nick: i’m like dr. fucking phil
or vanilla ice
you got a problem
i’ll solve it
check out the hook
while my dj revolves it
I vote for green Kool-aid. Then you could shout “Behold, I birth the star child” dramatically and leave the room and not return. Or you could return, but, like, with a squid that you pass off as your alien kid.
That would make people flee your baby shower.
The only drawback I can see to this is that your mom might wait until the baby is actually born to knock you into next week and then you’d miss the whole first week of your baby’s life. That part would suck.